CrazyBetter

2011-12-01T18:33:00.003-06:00

Please Stand By

2011-09-16T19:14:00.002-05:00

I gave up the 30 day thing when I got to "a detailed account of your day" followed by a "detailed account of your week". Mostly because I don't care so I can't fathom that anyone else would.

What DO I care about? Check out that countdown! It's not exact, but it's damn close and it says right around a week until the end of a very long and sometimes difficult year.

So please stand by if you choose to do so. I don't know how long it will be before I post again. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Probably it won't be. Maybe it will be after we do some visiting with friends and family or we go to Las Vegas. I don't know. But I don't know why I wouldn't be back.

So we'll just see how it goes. :)

Day Twenty Four - Where I Live

2011-08-31T20:47:00.002-05:00

Day Twenty Four - Where I Live

I don't think you are suppose to put out there on the internet where you live. Here's what I will say...There is no place like home, and I'm not there.

The saying in the Army is "Home is where the Army sends us." I'm not buying it. Home to me has always meant Texas. Since I've moved away from Texas, I've learned that home really is "where the heart is." Home is where my people are, where I can be me and where I feel at home. Where I live now will feel a lot more like home in a few weeks. And until we make it back to our REAL home, we'll make the best of where we live.

A Website--Day Twenty Two Revisited

2011-08-30T21:25:00.003-05:00

Likely my most visited website other than facebook and hotmail is www.google.com.

Seriously, need to know who sang that one song whose 4 words you can recall? Easy, google it! Found a giant pale green moth, want to know what it is? Google it!

Actor in some movie? Google it!

It's just so easy. I have no idea what we did before Google. Encyclopedia Britannica?

Day Twenty Two - A Website

2011-08-28T20:53:00.001-05:00

Day Twenty Two - A Website

HA! In my excitement to find a good YouTube video, I skipped right over Day 22 and "a website". I thought finding a video would be tough. This could take for.ev.er! I'll be back tomorrow with one or a few...

Day Twenty Three - A Youtube Video

2011-08-28T20:34:00.004-05:00

Day Twenty Three - A YouTube Video

Well, THAT's a lot of leeway! Just any ol YouTube Video? hhhmmm....lemme see...

OK, so I just spent WAY too much time fooling around looking at videos. I settled on this one because:

1. I love ONJ

2. I love this song

3. This is from a concert I had on VHS and watched about 238,385,751 times. :)

and, you got lucky. I was *this* close to putting XANADU!

Day Twenty One - A Recipe

2011-08-27T20:56:00.002-05:00

Day Twenty One - A Recipe

I'm not much for cooking, but it isn't as though I don't try. It just isn't something I love to do, and with my husband's limited palate, I don't venture out to try a lot of things. But this is something he asks for specifically. It's not a whole meal, but when I say we're having tacos, he specifically asks, "can you make the season? It's way better than the packet!" :)

Day Twenty - A Hobby Of Yours

2011-08-26T20:26:00.006-05:00

Day Twenty - A Hobby

I kind of think Day Nineteen and Day Twenty are somewhat interchangeable. Fantasy Football (yesterday's post) is a talent as well as a hobby. My hobby is scrapbooking, now digitally, and I think it is a talent as well. Here is a layout of which I am particularly fond from our Hawaii vacation scrapbook.

I love the pointing and little hotel pictures and the panoramic scene across the tops of two pages.

Day Nineteen - A Talent of Yours

2011-08-24T19:30:00.006-05:00

I got to be in the "studio audience" of the Time Warner show "Fantasy Huddle"! They came to tape the show at Ft Riley today! It was fun!

Coincidentally, I think playing Fantasy Football is a talent, and I think I'm pretty good at it. Good enough to win this little beauty over 13 guys, twice in 10 years! :)

Day Eighteen - My Wedding

2011-08-23T21:13:00.004-05:00

Day Eighteen - My Wedding.

How funny. I just watched our wedding video the other day. Maybe it was in the back of my mind because I had read ahead the topics of this daily posting deal. I don't know, but I really enjoyed watching it. For most of the standing there together I am trying not to cry and managing to have alternating looks of mad and scared to death.

The terribly sad part is that shortly after the pastor announces Mr. and Mrs. Barthamel (completely mispronouncing my new last name), the dvd starts sticking. There is no video of the reception. I need to get some cleaner and see if I can remedy the issue. If not, I will take it to a specialist. I really want to see the whole thing!

And I really wish we could do this about every five years. I don't even have to be the bride. Just to have all of our friends and family gathered would be so so great. I miss our people.

This is one of my favorite photos of the day.

Day Seventeen - An Art Piece

2011-08-17T20:34:00.003-05:00

Wow...lost a little steam there. Continuing on...

My all time favorite piece of art is The Kiss by Auguste Rodin. I use to have a small replica when I was in my...20s? I think I found it at a thrift store. Might have had it in high school, not sure. Anyway, I love it. and it had some kind of animal print felt on the bottom which made it even cooler.

Probably my favorite part of Paris was the Rodin Museum (Musée Rodin). I like a lot of his work, The Thinker and LaDanaide. Not so much the Gates of Hell. It's kind of creepy.

But most especially The Kiss. Yes, it is my favorite piece of art.

Not to be confused with The Kiss, a painting by Gustav Klimt. I don't care for this.

Day Sixteen - A Song That Makes You Cry (or nearly)

2011-08-14T20:56:00.002-05:00

Day Sixteen - A Song That Makes Me Cry (or nearly)

There are a couple that have been tough for me at different times in my life. Here they are and why:

I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe - Because I first heard it shortly before my dear friend Stacey passed away and it was playing when I got in the car to leave her funeral.

How Great Thou Art hymn - because it was played at my dad's parent's funerals and once at a church retreat. I had never heard it played by anyone at my church and had not heard it since the funerals when all of a sudden there it was at the church retreat. I completely broke down crying and had to leave the worship meeting.

I'm Already There by Lonestar - I was fine with this song for a long time. But one of the radio stations here (Ft Riley) plays it with voice overs of kids and wives saying stuff about their Soldier dad or husband being gone. It's just sad.

Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw

Well, this is depressing. That's enough of the sad songs! Sad songs say so much. --Elton John

Day Fifteen - Your Dream House

2011-08-12T18:24:00.004-05:00

Day Fifteen - My Dream House...

I have a couple, and they are very different. I love a country cottage type house with a wraparound porch. I course I'd like it if i

t would magically stay always swept clean and the yard and bushes and flowers would be country like and would magically stay trimmed and cut back and pristine.

The second one might look somewhat familiar. This is the first house with the assy husband from Sleeping with the Enemy. I love its location on the beach, its contemporary style and its modern feel. I would also need this one to be magically always polished and with no stacks of stuff everywhere. And no seagull poop dotting the many decks and railings.

Day Fourteen - a NonFiction Book

2011-08-11T21:55:00.003-05:00

As I've mentioned, I prefer nonfiction 9 times out of 10. I've recently read:

Bossypants by Tina Fey (hilarious)

A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugar (her kidnapping and years spent in captivity-horrifying)

Secrets in the Cellar by John Glatt (about the Austrian man who kept his daughter in the cellar and fathered 7 children with her--also horrifying)

Stories I Only Tell My Friends by Rob Lowe (great, so far)

Stories is fantastic. I love it. It's ridiculous. And I have about a half a mind to launch an investigation into Rob Lowe's life to see if it is all really true. Seriously. Read it. After reading the horrifying ones, it is a nice getaway from those atrocities. At the same time, it really brings you to the hard realization that some people get amazing breaks (not that he didn't work hard or have his share of bad days) and ridiculous coincidences and chance meetings, while others live tragedies you could never imagine in a million years.

I'm not even a quarter of the way through the book, but I'm lovin' it so far. I bought it on the kindle. I suggest you buy the actual book. Because this would look nice on any bedside table. He's hot.

Day Thirteen - A Fictional Book

2011-08-10T22:30:00.004-05:00

Well, hell. I was going to say The Poisonwood Bible, but I already put that for my favorite book. That's not cool asking so many book questions! (and a quick look ahead to tomorrow's topic informs me I'll be having to come up with YET ANOTHER title tomorrow!)

hhhmmmm...

As I mentioned when discussing literature the first time, there are several books on my "like" list, and I've been reading quite a bit this year. Not devouring books constantly, but at least reading one per month to discuss with the book club. Then, I take a look at the suggestions from Amazon based on my recent purchases and that usually yields another one or two I'm interested in, or I go off the recommendations of friends.

Here are some fictional books we've read:

Virgin of the Small Plains by Nancy Pickard

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford

The Room by Emma Donaghue

There are more, but I can't remember the titles. That's why this post was held back a day because I was going to look into it. But I'm not. I really enjoyed Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I would definitely recommend it to a friend. I'm recommending it to you! :)

Day Twelve - OCD

2011-08-09T20:37:00.006-05:00

Day 12 - Something You Are OCD About

Uh...which thing? I'm not going to need to be on "OCD Project" or "Obsessed", reality shows about people with various obsessions and rituals. But there a couple things I am just a little bit Monica Geller about. I like to have things planned. I'm a little bit OCD about planning.

I also like to have things be tidy and symmetrical. As Monica says, "if it's not a right angle, it's a wrong angle!" Organized, I like things organized and labeled.

What I don't have that I wish I did was an OCD way about cleaning. I like for things to be clean, but I don't like to do the actual cleaning. There's just no fun in that!

Day Eleven - A Photo Of You Recently

2011-08-08T15:51:00.005-05:00

Day Eleven - Me, recently.

I took this with the computer camera. I took a whole bunch of them as it was the day after the brigade ball and I REALLY liked my hair.

I also really like the light effect (some kind of soft focus super light thing) because it magically erases lines and wrinkles! :)

My one concern...I love this hair and if I go through with the plan to cut it, I won't be able to sport this style at Stephen's battalion ball in November!

Day Ten - A Photo Of You Taken Over 10 years Ago

2011-08-07T13:32:00.003-05:00

When I first saw this I thought, "oh, a childhood photo." Turns out, I was already over 30 ten years ago! I don't care. I still like this picture and still plan to use it.

I found it in November after my Uncle Dale passed away when we were going through stacks of pictures at my Aunt Paulette's house.

This is so typical of my childhood summers. We are at the beach hanging out under the awning of my grandparents' little trailer. Good times.

Only one thing disturbs me about this photo. See those legs that go on forever? See how at 10 or 11 or however old I am here I already have a little hourglass waistline going? Yet I totally remember thinking I looked fat wearing this swimsuit.

What I wouldn't give now to have that much room on either side between me and the arms of the lawn chair.

Day Nine - A Photo You Took

2011-08-06T22:19:00.003-05:00

I took this photo while trying to do that 365 day challenge. I got real tired of it real fast. My sis-in-law said this was a good photo. I tend to agree. :)

The second one I also took during that ill-fated project, and I think they sort of match. Same style. Restaurant, low light, relaxed feel.

Day Eight - A Photo That Makes You Angry/Sad

2011-08-06T00:12:00.005-05:00

This is a tough one for me. Photos don't generally make me sad. Well, yeah, an image of a starving child or a seal being eaten by a shark (ala Shark Week!) or a sea bird covered in oil make make me angry or sad. But not photos I take.

Not ones of the husband I miss so much or of loved ones I've lost or people I miss. I choose to see those as pictures that make me happy because they give me a captured moment of happiness or good times. Even the one of him leaving on the bus makes me smile because he is smiling and we both have the "we can do this" face on.

A couple of months down the road I was sad, though, and I took a picture of it. So rather than a picture that makes me sad, here is one of me being sad. It was after hearing the much hated skype "end call" sound. I decided to crop all but the eyes. I don't know why. I just did.

Day Seven - A photo that makes you happy.

2011-08-04T22:02:00.003-05:00

Rather than looking through photos to try to find THE ONE that made me happy, I just tried to think of one.

There were a lot of them that came to mind, I look at pictures a lot. I know what I've got, and it's hard to pick just one. And to be fair, most photos (well, at least ones that I am not complaining that I might look fat or have jacked up hair in) make me happy. I just love and always have loved pictures.

The minute I thought of this one, I went straight to it. It's not the only one that makes me happy.

But this one is special. It is one of the very best moments of the 14 months I had with this amazing young man as my son.

Day Six - Twenty of my Favorite Things

2011-08-03T21:13:00.003-05:00

Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things – Believe it or not, this was kind of hard. I didn't want them to all be food! And I didn't want to name people or songs or movies or whatever. So I just thought of stuff I like. Here's what I came up with:

1. family

2. friends

3. country music

4. cake (buttercream icing! Not that whipped mess)

5. cheesecake

6. Texas

7. Flowers (Indian Blankets bluebonnets and Blue Hydrangeas. Not necessarily together)

8. jeans

9. pictures of feet (not gross ones, nice toes)

10. St Augustine grass

11. a pedicure

12. a massage

13. Polish Pottery

14. Skype

15. sunshine

16. girlfriend days

17. coffee from the Phillips 66 at ext 299 I-70

18. a kitty that fetches a bottlecap

19. a good hair day

20. redeployment!

These are a few of my favorite thiiiiiings!

Day Five - Your Favorite Quote

2011-08-02T21:53:00.002-05:00

SO here we are, Day Five and the subject is my favorite quote. Well what's that suppose to mean? Am I suppose to get all philosophical and say something super thought provoking that I heard or read that someone said? hhhmmm.... I got nothin'. There are a couple things I have heard on my favorite TV show that have struck me as funny/true/deep. They are:

Scars remind us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we’re going. –Agent Rossi, Criminal Minds

Yeah, but you're not a man. Testosterone would follow a woman to Thailand. Bare foot. It’s just a fact. – Detective William LaMontagne Jr., Criminal Minds

And then there is one I saw not long ago that I really like:

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. – Helen Keller

There are a million movie quotes that I love but I'd be here all night listing those. So I shall quote a very good book: "Good night, stars, good night air, good night noises everywhere. – Goodnight Moon

Day Four - Your Favorite Book

2011-08-02T00:03:00.003-05:00

Favorite Book. Hmmm, that's a tough one. I really liked To Kill a Mockingbird in high school. In the 90s I pretty much just read magazines, and I read a LOT of them. A few years ago I started on the In Death series by JD Robb (Nora Roberts alter ego). In recent months I've enjoyed the Help, Bossypants, and Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. OH, and let's not forget Sh*t My Dad Says! Seen the TV show? It is NOTHING compared to the book. Laugh outloud hilarious.

I'm a big fan of nonfiction and would normally choose a nonfiction over a fiction book. I like a good story. I like biographies and autobiographies like Bossypants, Garth Brooks's story, Rob Lowe's Stories I Only Tell My Friends (haven't read it yet, but it's on the Kindle); True Crime, like Fatal Vision (oh how I loved that book) and business stories like Starbucked, the Walmart Effect, Ben and Jerry's story, and foodcentric thrillers like Supersize Me, The Omnivore's Dilemma and Fast Food Nation.

I'm not really one for reading books over and over. But one book that is thicker than I'd usually read is one I've read more than once. It is the Poisonwood Bible, and I'll probably read it again.

Says Wikipedia:

The Poisonwood Bible (1998) by Barbara Kingsolver is a bestselling novel about a missionary family, the Prices, who in 1959 move from Georgia to the village of Kilanga in the Belgian Congo, close to the Kwilu River. (The nearest town, an impossibly long journey away, is Bulungu.) The Prices' story, which parallels their host country's tumultuous emergence into the post-colonial era, is narrated by the five women of the family: Orleanna, long-suffering wife of Baptist missionary Nathan Price, and their four daughters—Rachel, Leah, Adah, and Ruth May.

It is fantastic and I really really loved it. I know there are other books I have really enjoyed, but I would have to say that at first thought, this would be my favorite book.

Day Three - Favorite Television Program

2011-07-31T20:18:00.006-05:00

I'm probably going to have to go with Criminal Minds on the favorite TV show question. I just love it. I DVR it constantly and can tell the minute it begins which episode it is. I record so many that if I'm sick of one there is usually another waiting. I also currently love The Office, Parks and Recreation, Law and Order SVU and Oprah Behind the Scenes. (and this week, Shark shows on the Discovery Channel.

When I was little it was the

Brady Bunch. I just love love loved that show! Same thing on the first minute of the show kn

owing the episode.

Growing up it was all those 80s family shows: The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Growing Pains. For a brief period (9th/10th grade) I loved Miami Vice. Pitiful. The 90s were Seinfeld and Friends and then began the Law and Order franchise. I started with the original, then moved on to SVU and Criminal Intent. CI was my favorite first, but when I tired of it I fell for SVU and it stuck..

While in Germany we watched what AFN had to offer: mostly reality shows.

While in the hospital in 2006 I watched, almost exclusively for over a week, what I called geriatric television. It was just nature scenes and slow music. Anything else was too stimulating for my fragile state!

I guess it very often depends on what is available. Thankfully, the invention of DVR has provided me with more options than is probably healthy! Gotta go, Criminal Minds is on! ;)

Day Two - Favorite Movie

2011-07-30T12:36:00.003-05:00

Your favorite movie - Grease, of course.

I love the movie. I love the soundtrack. I loved it in German! I loved it at 8, 18, 28, 38, and I'm sure I will love it at 48. As horrible as it was, I even kind of loved Grease 2. That's a lotta love for one movie.

I think it probably seems a little silly. I like a lot of other movies that are more grown up/mature. The Shawshank Redemption, Runaway Jury, Steel Magnolias, all of which have come up on a recent Facebook challenge, but there is something special about Grease. I always wanted to be Olivia Newton John. I wrote a letter to John Travolta in 3rd grade. Got a postcard back in 6th grade. It's how I always hoped high school would be. It wasn't, but that's what movies are all about. Living a little bit in the not-so-real world. And being able to sing along!

Blog Challenge! - Day One

2011-07-29T22:48:00.003-05:00

I found this answer to my blogging stall on my cousin Kristy's Blog! It's a challenge of 30 days of blogging topics. If you've known me for more than a minute, you know that it just might kill me not to do all 30 days at once, but I won't! Here is day one:

Your Favorite Song - Drift Away by Dobie Gray

This is probably the very first song I remember. A quick google/wikipedia search told me that he recorded it in 1973, so I was just a toddler when my parents were listening to it. I've always loved it. The words, the tune, the beat. Gimme the beat boys, and free my soul. I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away...

From the very first note I know. That's my song!! Uncle Kracker recorded it in 2003 and I actually love that version, too. And it made me so happy that it got a lot of radio time when it came out again!

When I was just out of high school, I would hear this song and for whatever reason, I could NEVER remember who sang it. In my sometimes tipsy state of mind I would find it completely appropriate to call my dad and ask. This probably only happened once, but it seems like several times because it is so ridiculous.

"Dad, you know that song about floating down the river?"

"uh...what?"

"you know, that we always use to listen to when we were little?"

"River? You mean drift away?"

"Yeah, that's it!!"

The conversation ended with dad making sure I was safe. "you are home, then? in for the night?" :)

Over a Month

2011-07-29T22:40:00.002-05:00

so...it's been over a month since I posted. I guess I'm just not in the blogging mood lately. Sorry! I like to blog when I'm into it. For whatever reason, I'm just not into it lately. Maybe I'll be back soon. I hope so.

You Know It's Been Too Long...

2011-06-20T21:45:00.002-05:00

You Know It's Been Too Long...since you've posted to the blog when:

--You check your friend's blogs and one hasn't posted in a week but I don't remember reading the last post and I get them via email, one has posted twice this week, and the other has closed down a blog and started another. When I'm not posting I'm usually not reading and I miss stuff!

--You yourself have not posted in over 3 weeks.

--You go to sign in and have to try 2 passwords before you gain access.

--You review your last couple of posts and realize they are 1. a repost of something you promised to post a month ago, 2. a dream ... kind of cheating since those are plentiful around here.

So, all that to say, it's probably time to post again. I guess this will have to suffice until I come up with something to say.

Why Am I Not Rejoicing?

2011-06-02T09:52:00.001-05:00

Here is the post I linked to May 2nd by www.thearmywifedude.blogspot.com

bin Laden is dead, why am I not rejoicing? 
Nearly all of America and the world should know by know one of the most
elusive and despicable of all tyrants has been killed. I am very glad to
know "we got our man". There is a job well done to be said to the troops who
took him out. I am extremely happy that those effected by 9/11 can begin to
have some closure. Justice has been served for all those who
directly/indirectly have been effected by the terrorist activities Osama bin
Laden has plagued our world with over the last two decades.

The men and women who have been fighting for a better world who have given
it all, and in some cases only gave some as they have gone through wounds of
the heart, mind and body yet still came out alive did not give in vain. Not
just our American soldiers either, but all those who have partnered with us.


For me 9/11 was the single most impactful day of my life. People say "never
forget" regarding that day but it too often was not on the forefront of the
average person's mind. I was reminded on an extremely regular basis to never
forget. ANY TIME I looked at the clock and it said the time was 9:11 I was
brought back to that place a decade earlier. It seemed as if it was a common
occurrence to find myself seeing those digits displayed. Even when I would
see a police car I would see the phone number and remember the events of
that tragic day. 

As news spread regarding bin Laden's death I found myself in an unusual spot
in comparison to the majority of Americans. As I watched celebrations and
people rejoicing in the death of this tyrant I became agitated. I am of
course glad this chapter in this war is over, but this book is not finished
and I believe that is what scares me the most. 

My wife is right now in a remote spot somewhere in Afghanistan and I can
only wonder what kind of repercussions will come from us accomplishing what
we set out to do nearly 10 years ago. As I see people becoming elated I
can't help but to think how this may stir the pot of the Taliban fighters
who now more than ever will want vengeance. People exclaiming pure joy at
the death of a leader regardless of how disgusting he was will only
infuriate the insurgents more. I would compare it to the likings of crushing
a hornets nest. I am led to believe that there will be a very strong
retaliation coming and there are still men and women, including my wife, who
are in harms way even though bin Laden's reign has ended. 

Someone said to me in one of my facebook updates as I was saying this same
thing, "sometimes you kill one tyrant and 3 more pop up". 

I do believe this is a monumental day for not only America, but for the
entire world. I would assume with the death of bin Laden many of his
followers will lay down their arms feeling a sense of relief to be free from
the bondage he kept them in. Yet many will continue to plot against our men
and women who are serving as well as against our nation. 

I can not rejoice in this moment. I am thankful for the end of tyranny led
by this man, but this war is not over. Now more than we have in recent years
we need to be prayerful for our service members as well as our nation in
general. 

So why am I not rejoicing in this moment? My wife is still there. My friends
spouse's are still there. My friends are still there. My friends children
are still there. My fellow countrymen are still there. Still there preparing
for the next days activities. Still there under fire from a really pissed
off enemy.

Shortly before news broke that the President would be addressing the nation
I was walking on my treadmill. During that time God spoke into my heart
something I do not dare repeat. But I do believe the words He spoke prepared
me to not be filled with jubilation and joy for the death of this wickedly
cruel man. 

America I understand you feelings of victory but I beg of you to remember a
man who has many followers has been killed. We must be humble in our
victory. We have to understand for every action there is a reaction. This
may come quickly and be minimal, or it can be slow, methodical, calculated
and of great magnitude. 

We need to be thoughtful of our actions and more importantly prayerful for
our service members and their families. I am sensing from my facebook status
updates that the people who are most thoughtful regarding how this could be,
as bad as it is good, are those of us directly effected by what can happen
next. 

I ask you to keep in mind these scripture verses for those of you who call
yourself Christian:

It's as much for me as someone else: "Do you think that I like to see wicked
people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not!" (Ezekiel 18:23)

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad
when he stumbles." (Proverbs 24:17)

With all of that said, this is one of the proudest moments in my life as an
American. My prayers go out to all those who have given all or some over the
years this war has dragged on. I am eternally indebted to anyone who has
worn the uniform in the last decade and the family members who stood by
them. 

On this day, May 1, 2011 I am without a doubt proud to be an American. I can
only hope this will mean my wife may come home a little bit sooner. 


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An Old Dream Post

2011-06-02T09:46:00.002-05:00

When it all comes together in a dream.

I don't think I'm under an extreme amount of stress right now. I mean, yes, my husband is in a war zone, and yes there are always some issues at work. But maybe my subconscious is a little more stressed than I realized. Or maybe not. I don't know what the deal is with dreams, but I woke up knowing just what's been on my mind.

In my dream, I was trying to find my way around the high school campus. I don't know why the high school specifically, but I often dream I am lost there. I think whenever I am feeling a little lost in my life I remember how big our high school campus was and how intimidating it was at first. I wonder, too if this isn't where my crappy sense of direction began. But that's another issue all together.

In trying to find my way, I was looking for the ID card office (of post). I guess it was post and the campus. (?) Anyway, since Osama bin Laden was killed, people have been saying that with the heightened security level on post that we will need to show two forms of ID at the gate. I've still only ever been asked for one, but I've also heard that the rule would be after 8pm when I don't come on post. I generally leave my ID in the car (not in plain sight) so that I'm not digging around in my purse as I come on post every day, and now I'm all discombobulated because if I have to get another form of ID out then I will have to dig through the purse!

So, I'm trying to find the office when the program manager of the FRSAs (not my boss per se, but someone who is kind of over me in that she coordinates the Family Readiness programs) and she is trying to get a meeting together. I have to explain to her that I'm the only FRSA still in my unit. One moved almost a year ago and has not been replaced (true), one is out sick indefinitely (true), one has been fired for causing drama (the drama is true but not the firing), one is out trying to decide what to do about her marriage (true, this has happened twice, for a week or two at a time) and one lives far away and it's raining (true). Maybe I'm scared it's all about
to fall in on me?!

Work drama in my dreams is also a fear of the unknown. All of our commanders will change in June. This means everyone's boss, and I not only deal with my boss, but some of the other bosses as well because I am at the brigade and they are in the battalions that are part of the brigade. Also I deal with all the others because of the above reasons. (not so much the rain one)

Also, in my wandering around I spotted some monkeys in a tree and everyone was making a HUGE deal out of it yelling, "but we don't HAVE those here!" I'm scrapping the Hawaii trip and the last thing I looked at before going to bed was a wildlife page I want to do, but I can't use any of the wildlife paper I have because there are animals depicted on it that do not exist in Hawaii. Monkeys being one of them.

Lastly, I was almost constantly eating and coming across couples who were making out. I think this is because I'm trying to lose weight in real life and in the dream I would get half way through a hamburger and then realize --oops! I wasn't going to be eating stuff like this!! And since there's no making out going on for the next 5 months, I'm essentially on a diet from that, too!

I wrote this (at work) May 9th and emailed it to myself to put on the blog. I guess I forgot.  Haven't had any weird dreams, or rather I haven't written any down since!

When I Grow Up

2011-05-31T20:10:00.003-05:00

I don't want to be an astronaut, or a ballerina, a gymnast or NFL star. I don't want to be a mathematician or accountant. I don't even like math. Or people who like math. I still kind of want to be Olivia Newton-John, but I
think I might be setting my sights on something a little more... me.

You know how when you have your whole life ahead of you the possibilities seem endless? You want to be several things, and they are nowhere near related. A friend's 16 year old recently mentioned she wanted to be a dancer. Or
an architect. Or a marine biologist. Endless possibilities. Once you hit, say, 40(ish), you have moved to the shallow end of the possibility pool.

Time passed has pushed you out of any field that requires years of physical training or a youthful endurance(Olympic skier) any field that has an age limit (a military career) and anything you have figured out you don't have an interest in. That would be anything math related for me. You also have to consider your location and life circumstances. If you live in Kansas, you probably aren't going to pursue oceanography. If you are a busy mom, you might not choose a career
that demands a 60-70 hour work week. I said might not, I know some do. 

So what is left? Looking at things you've always had some interest in is a good place to start. I, for instance, have always been interested in writing. And in planning. I likely (Lord willing) have a minimum of 25 years left in the workplace. That doesn't just seem like a long time. It is a long time. I just did the math. I didn't enjoy it. The sum, or difference, or product, or quotient...I don't even have the math terminology. The answer (but, I'm good with the words) is that I am halfway through my working life. This means I have just as long to work as I have already worked. 

From age 16-41 I earned a living in fast food, childcare, retail, banking, and clerical fields, with increasing time spent in each as the years progressed. Age 41-65 remains to be seen, but I'm thinking about my options, and there are still quite a few possibilities, even in the shallow end.

Sour Note

2011-05-28T17:16:00.002-05:00

wow. I guess I haven't been here in a while. I hate to return on a sour note, but I'm going to.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate the military? Well I do. I hate the lifestyle. I hate that I don't get to live where I've always lived and where I want to live and where no one wears a jacket at the end of May. But I'm not mad about the weather today. I'm mad about the moving.

Today we had a farewell get together. I'd say luncheon, but it was at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Of course we had enough food to call it a luncheon, but that's not the point. The point is that a really great lady (L) that I started out respecting and admiring and ended up respecting, admiring, being great friends with, sharing laughs and more than a few drinks with, and looking to for support in several of life's difficult situations is leaving. Her husband will be permanently changing stations (PCSing) to Virgina next month. I'll see her between now and then, and it was a great time of food and fun and friends, but I left feeling really sad.

Not only will today's guest of honor leave in a month, two of the other guests are PCSing next week. I realized just as the afternoon was coming to a close that I won't see either of them again. This was their last event. I said a tearful goodbye to each of them, bitterness rising in my throat.

I guess this is the definition of bittersweet. I never would have met these fantastic ladies were it not for the military and how it moves people in and out of one another's lives. But I wouldn't have to have that terrible sense of loss each summer (PCS season) when so many move to their next duty station. In addition to these three, there are four others from our close circle leaving in July or August. I'm so grateful that there are five who will remain, and we will invite newcomers in and make a new close circle.

I guess I'm just someone who when I like how things are going, I'd like them to stay that way. Of course, if that were always the case, I guess I'd still be living in Pflugerville, Texas...instead of married to my Soldier husband and living this crazy, wonderful, super crappy, up, down and moving around military life.

The Next Phase

2011-05-08T16:17:00.002-05:00

20 weeks. May to October. Its really just around the corner.

Some say the second half of the deployment is harder. Others disagree. And then there are those who ride the fence saying that it all depends on when you take your R&R leave. But even then, I have talked to people who say earlier is better, some say it depends on the season, some wait until the last possible second so there are just a few weeks left before the Soldier's return.

Much like beauty and its beholder, surviving is in the eye of the survivor. Why does that make me want to sing Eye of the Tiger?! Or I will survive? Anyway, I am off track (spoken in GPS lady tone of voice).

We have 20 weeks left, and I think we're going to make it. I do think the season matters. It's summer! No more scraping windshields, no more trudging through snow, no more excessive layering and coat wearing. It's just freer, more comfortable, happier.

PLUS, I have a lot of Hawaii photos to scrapbook and that should keep me occupied.

Therapy?

2011-05-05T21:17:00.002-05:00

Well, I am back to work, vacation's over. No more paradise. And there was a bit of a scene at the office today. What kind of a scene, you ask? There was a F**KING MOUSE in my office!!! (edited in an effort to not seem like a potty mouth)

I went in, set my stuff down, moved something from my back credenza, and SAW him scurry out. It seemed like it was almost in slow motion. You know, like when something supertramatic happens to a person and their brain slows it down for them so that they can process it without going into shock?

Yes, that's a real thing! I read about it on the internet:

Put simply, danger signals put the body on alert; there are many biochemical changes happening very rapidly, many brought about by the hormone Adrenaline – there is a simple, immediate assessment of the level of danger – should we run away (flight) or face up to it (fight)? In these situations there is often an altered sense of time – it seems to slow down, probably because the responses of the reptilian brain are much quicker that our normal state of consciousness, and our metabolism is speeded up.

Of course I freaked.

I ran down to the staff duty office, and when I could find my voice again I told them about it. They hemmed and hawed one telling the other to go out and look for it. Finally one of them went down the hall with a broom. Planning to sweep him to death, I guess.

He couldn't find it. I went down the hall to get some coffee, you know, because I'm not already all spun up and need some caffeine. Actually I just thought if I did something, like make a pot of coffee, for instance, I could calm down a bit.

On the way back I saw the SOB running back in there! That's when things got ugly. I had the biggest freakout I've ever had. I shrieked there it is! And commenced hyperventilating, sweating and crying. I had to go outside and get some air. I almost threw up. Some of my friends, co-workers, and supervisors saw me in this state and were very concerned that "something bad happened." Uh, I'd say this qualifies as something pretty darn bad! One person (hi MG!) thought someone had died! Yes, I was really that upset.

The Soldiers chased it out of my office and into the break room RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL, and it has not been seen since. So I spent the rest of the day staring at the hallway while typing, answering the phone, etc to be sure it wasn't trying to come back in. Of course I'm one step ahead. I put a rolled up banner in front of the doorway.

Yes, as I explained to everyone who passed the office, I am aware that it could scurry over the barrier, but I would have extra time to throw things and scream. Each time I had to leave to go to a meeting or the bathroom or anything, I had to have someone go in and cause a ruckus in my office to be sure it wasn't in there.

Some people kind of laughed and poked fun throughout the day. It didn't hurt my feelings or upset me at all. I realize that this is an irrational fear. I realize that my behavior is irrational. I just can't get past it and it keeps getting worse.

Do you think I need some kind of therapy?

New Background

2011-05-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

I just thought it was about time. :)

The Real Rest of the Story

2011-05-02T22:27:00.002-05:00

Okay, sorry I ended that last one kind of abruptly, but it was dragging on too long and I was getting frustrated. So...where was I? Oh yeah, April 27, having a lung collapse from hiking up Diamond Head.

So, here's what you should know about it:

Had a cup of coffee instead of water before starting out. Bad idea. (as if some water might have suddenly made me a world class hiker)

I'm not going to cut and past a bunch of stuff from the internet. But I am going to say that it's .8 mile uphill the whole way, mostly on rocky trail and then 4 sets of stairs and two tunnels mixed in for good measure (stairs are 74, 99, 3 story spiral and 54 steps!) Go ahead, read all about it.

http://www.lavasurfer.com/info/hikediamondhead.html

If you don't want to read all about it, at least go look at the photos. No. I walked up the damn thing, I'm not pasting the pictures here for you.

SO, it really was cool. Once I recovered from the shaky leg and lack of breath (and embarrassment because grandmas were doing it and one guy did it twice--RUNNING while we were there) it was beautiful. And windy and cool. We took some pictures and enjoyed the view all the way around and then headed back down. I wondered if anyone ever fell down the 99 steps.

What did we do after that? Well the breakfast buffet at the hotel, of course! :) and then a little later we strolled through the Army museum that is right next to the hotel and is just small enough to be interesting without getting boring to me. The helicopter exhibit was closed, but the rest was cool. Dinner at the Yard House for a second time. Very good.

April 28 - Last full day. We slept in, but not too late. Had breakfast at the famous Eggs N Things. Where I had pancakes but Stephen had eggs and things (potatoes and Portuguese sausage). After breakfast we strolled through the mall (the one with Maui Tacos, but we didn't eat there since we had just eaten!) and through town back to the hotel. We went down to the pool for a while and had a snack from Happy's Snack Bar at the hotel on the way back to the room. Nachos and a hot dog. We're on vacation! Then we decided we hadn't had quite enough mexican food, so we hit Cha Cha Cha's again! We walked back to the hotel, caught the last sunset of our trip and headed for the room to watch Michael Scott's last episode of The Office, our show. Friday we got up late, went to breakfast at the Wailana coffee house/cocktail bar (second visit), finished packing and checked out of the hotel.

I won't bore you with the details of the goodbyeing at the Dallas airport. It suffices to say it was tearful and on the skylink tram between my gate and his. We were so so happy to be able to be on the same flight on the way there AND back. It wasn't as bad as I had feared, I think because Stephen was very upbeat and positive and reminded me that we only have about 20 weeks left.

I guess I better get scrappin those 958 photos! That's an estimate, but not necessarily an exaggeration!

And the Rest of the Story...

2011-05-02T19:26:00.004-05:00

I stopped with the Hawaii commentary when we still had a week left. Here's that week:

evening of 4/21-found somewhere to eat. And the winner was...Cha Cha Cha! That's right,

Mexican food twice in one day! :) and ohhhh, the pineapple salsa. and ooohhh, the mango margarita. So So good.

April 22-Circle Tour! from 7:30a-5pm we rode around the island, stopping at all kinds of interesting little places and hearing (usually more than once, Barbara was a repeater!) all about the details of it. LOTS of tidbits about the tv shows Lost and Magnum PI and Hawaii Five O. ALWAYS followed Hawaii 5-0 with "book 'em Danno". But she was funny.

Turns out...it's better for blogging if I do these vacation journals when I get home. Then I can add all kinds of details I find on the internet or copy out of the brochures I have brought home...

Tour Description:
Spend a day on this 120-mile complete circle island tour that truly shows the real Hawaii people come to see.
Expertly narrated, this tour includes a stop at the 1,800-acre historic Waimea Valley. Enjoy its lush gardens, Hawaiian cultural sights and tranquil beauty. A truly unforgettable experience!--HB note: "Enjoy its lush gardens"=hike it's hot and humid rainforest. Just so you know.
This tour stops at the following places:
Diamond Head Slopes
Hanauma Bay
Halona "From Here to Eternity" Beach
Nu'uanu Pali Lookout
Byodo-In Temple **omb, this was so so pretty! (omb=oh my buddha!)
Windward Coast (lunch stop)*at Crouching Lion restaurant named for the rock formation at the top of the mountain behind it*
Waimea Valley - Admission & personalized guided 1.5-mile walking tour included
Dole Plantation
This tour drives through the following places:
Kahala (Beverly Hills in Hawaii)*where Barbara pointed out EVERY SINGLE DECORATIVE GATE! "Dolphin gate coming up on the left followed by a crane gate!"
Rain Forests, Ko'olau Mountains, Pineapple and agriculture fields
The above lists are the "basic minimum" stops and drive-throughs that our tour guides do for this tour. Your tour guide will most likely add more stops depending on his/her narrative and if there are interesting scenes along the way, such as turtles and/or seals. *or Obama's childhood apartment!*

Ok, on with the commentary....after the Circle Tour, we watched the fireworks from our lanai and drank a couple of beers then I think we ate at one of the restaurants at the hotel. ? not sure. Probably because it wasn't great.

April 23- Busy morning! Got the rental car, then some coffee, then went on a Submarine ride! It was really cool AND we saw some turtles! After the submarine, much less expensive and almost as exciting...lunch at Jack in the Box! YAYE JnB! :) Then things sort of went downhill for Stephen. He so sweetly escorted me to the swap meet. This is a flea market that wraps around the Aloha Stadium! It's HUGE and essentially the same crap booth after booth. We didn't stay too long, maybe saw a fourth of it. But it was pretty hot and like I said...same stuff repeated repeatedly. We DID get our Hawaii Christmas ornament there, though, and I do so love it. Following the swap meet, we went by the PX and got some snorkel gear for the following day, and rested/relaxed for a few hours, caught the sunset, and then had dinner at Los Chaparros. YES, mexican food again, what of it?
April 24 - up early and driving to the North Shore for...SWIMMING WITH THE SHARKS! So SO COOL! The only downside was that it was a little bit rough and we got jostled around in the steel cage quite a bit. I didn't care, though, it was way awesome to have 8-10 (I want to say 10-12 but I don't want to exaggerate) sharks swimming just feet from me. After the swimming, breakfast at McDonald's, then driving around the North Shore and down the winward side of the island. That's what they call it. It's the east side. I don't know why they don't just say east side. Then we're driving along and I see the shrimp ponds! We had seen them on the Circle Tour (with repeating Barbara) and Stephen remembered which one she said was best so we stopped in. I wasn't hungry but wanted to try it. The man let me buy just 6 shrimp, not 12 and no rice with it. Garlic butter fresh shrimp. mmmmmm! We were looking for a place to snorkel. So we stopped a couple places, and at one (we didn't snorkel there) a big ol turtle had come up on shore! He was so so cute, and the beach patrol people were keeping a rope around him about 5 feet out so that the people couldn't get too close. After we hung out with him a while we moved on, found a beach, tried to snorkel but it was pretty windy and rough so we eventually gave up and headed back to the hotel. We showered and R&R'd a bit before heading out to dinner. We had a reservation! d.k steakhouse to celebrate our 5 year anniversary! It's actually June 24, not April 24, but he won't be home so we made it early. It was delicious!

April 25 - Kualoa Ranch Full Day Adventure Tour! ATV riding, Jungle Expedition and Secret Beach. OK...the ATV was like a parade. We were just going in a single file line and no "off roading" type stuff. A bit disappointing. Jungle Expedition was a little bit cooler, riding in a humvee through the jungle. I wish we'd have been on the ATVs on THAT trail! Then lunch, which was fair, but then the Secret Beach, which I loved! We were carried on a little pond boat to this beach. No one else was there. It was just us (and a couple guides that left us alone for the most part) for an hour and a half then another couple came there for the last hour or so. We kayaked and tried to stand up paddle. Stephen did better than I did, but I got up at least! Then we snorkeled and then I laid in the sun and he snorkeled some more. Then he laid in the sun with me for a little bit and then we walked on the beach and then it was time to leave. Of course then I was spoiled and all other beaches were "too crowded!"

After the Ranch tour, we had Maui Tacos for dinner and some Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream for dessert!

April 26 - 2 hour kayak tour, followed by lunch at Bob's pizza (goood!) and then out snorkeling on our own. We went to beautiful Lanikai beach to snorkel/lay on the beach for a couple hours and then tried to get the water cameras developed. Sadly one had gotten water in it, so they refused to even try as the "salt water would contaminate the chemicals." I'm going to try elsewhere.

Back to the hotel and then I have no idea what was for dinner. Oh wait...maybe this was "big ketchup!" Yes, I think it was. I think we ate at Koko's at the hotel. I had joked with Stephen a couple of times that there must be a shortage of ketchup on the island because he ordered something with fries and they brought like a tablespoon dollop of it to the table. When my burger and fries came to the table, along with it came two small metal cups with dollops of mayonnaise and mustard. Next to the small cups, there was a giant, like a one cup measuring cup FULL OF KETCHUP! We both looked at each other all big-eyed and as soon as the waitress walked away we died laughing. Seriously? Who needs a CUP of ketchup? This was Stephen's favorite part of the vacation. I can't believe we paid for all those tours when all it took was a vat of ketchup!

April 27 - I must really love that man. I hiked up Diamond Head because he wanted to. Oh, I pretended to also be excited about all those steps and uphill trail walking, but ugh. I'm real tired, have something in my eye and a cat asleep on my lap, so I'll write more about Diamond Head and the last couple days tomorrow.

Why Am I Not Rejoicing

2011-05-02T09:28:00.002-05:00

Better words than I could find--
This is a blogpost by a friend and fellow military spouse.

shoot! I can't get it to copy/paste. His blog address is:
www.thearmywifedude.blogspot.com

I will post the body of the post later. I hope you will go there and read it. thanks!

April 19-21

2011-04-21T22:15:00.002-05:00

More journaling from the R&R trip.

April 19-We slept in and then thought we'd walk down the street and check out the IHOP for breakfast. BIG MISTAKE. Horrible service, and Stephen got some chicken fried steak and eggs...for $16.99! My 2x2x2 breakfast of eggs, bacon and pancakes was also ridiculously overpriced, but we had a 15% off coupon, so we lived and learned.

At 1pm we went on a private tour: Natural Highlights of Oahu Adventure! It was private because no one else booked it. So Dante drove us around to see the different sites. it was fantastic! He is very very knowledgeable and personable. He dropped us back at the hotel at 6pm and we went on to the Warrior Lounge for appetizers, drinks and a very funny comedy show!

April 20-PARASAILING! at 9am. We had a fantastic time, and other parasailers were a mother and son from Australia, a dating couple from Canada and a family of 4 kids and mom from Columbia. Everyone had a great time. I think we had the BEST time! :) The boat guys were great, the shuttle driver was hugely annoying.

After we got back, we changed clothes and walked down the street about a mile to the Ala Moana Mall, had Ruby Tuesdays for lunch and walked around the mall a while. Back at the hotel we went to a dinner buffet and really cool magic show!

April 21-Beginning at 8am, another hike through the rainforest. It was a tour with a different company than the last rainforest hike, but the same company Dante works for. Our tour guide this time was Greg. The hike was even in the same area that we went to with the Hike, Bike, Snorkel but with a different guide and different trails it was a different experience and we were glad we did it. After the tour we went to the Maui Tacos at the Pa'ina Lanai on the 2nd floor at the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center just down the street from the hotel. That's right, in a food court at a shopping center. Best and Least Expensive food we've had yet! We'll be going back. We still have a week! :)

After lunch we returned to the hotel to veg out in the room awhile. Now...to find something for dinner...

Apr 17-18

2011-04-19T14:10:00.002-05:00

We walked down the street to the Arts Festival Sunday, April 17, and on the way ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It was a fun little place. And walking along the beach we noticed that the section of beach less than a mile from our hotel is pretty crowded, whereas ours remains nicely underpopulated.

The festival was pretty small, but we enjoyed looking at all the jewelry and paintings. On the way back we had a snack at Yogurtland and then chilled out at the hotel and did a little laundry for the afternoon. That evening we went out to eat at Yard House. It was FANTASTIC. I had the mahi-mahi, and it was the best piece of fish I've eaten in my life. Stephen had the enchilada stack. He said it was good, too! On the way we heard a bit of music from a band playing on the street.

Monday we spent the day with about 12 really nice elderly people and one very obnoxious family on the Home of the Brave tour. It was a look at Pearl Harbor and the Pearl Harbor Historical Site (museum, short film, etc), and the USS Arizona Memorial, a visit to Wheeler Air Field, Schofield Army Baracks, Fort Shafter, Punchbowl National Memorial, and the Home of the Brave Museum. As well as lots of anecdotal and factual information about the attach on Pearl Harbor. I really learned a lot and enjoyed this tour. We may go back to tour the USS Missouri.

Monday night was the Hale Koa Hotel Luau! It was a lot of fun, and the show was neat. The food...not so much. Stephen, of course, was not interested in trying anything that was weird. Like the seaweed that was VERY GOOD! but neither of us really liked most of it. Poi is gross, I'm not interested in raw salmon masquerading as a salsa like dish, and the star dish, the pulled pork from the pig we saw them raise up out of the pit with leaves it was cooked in was just kind of...weird. It tasted good, but I wasn't loving the texture. I WAS loving the show! An 11 yr old kid twirled fire, the "chief" was really funny and the dancing girls and guys were really good! I got some video that may be posted at a later date.

ok...time to get some brunch and get ready for the #4 "Natural Highlights of Oahu" tour! Then the comedy show tonight. :)

Highlights of the first days...

2011-04-17T12:11:00.003-05:00

4.13-same flight! He got to Dallas first, took a shower at the Admirals club and had a sign for me!

Got to hotel, checked in, had dinner at Tropics. We have THE BEST room.

4.14-up at 0725; Aloha briefing, met a "celebrity", got some tour and activities info. Hung out on lanai (patio) and in room 0930-1130 then to lunch @ Koko cafe in hotel; walk around Waikiki 1p-3p (beach, shopping, farmers market); back to room to plan activities, watch tv, room service for dinner.

4.15-up at 0530 breakfast at Wailana coffee house/cocktail bar; shopped vendors in lobby; booked rest of tours and activities. 1030-to the beach; 1230 to the pool; lunch (SB Happys Snack shack, HB fruit from farmers market); 3:30p started raining, realized sunburns-semi regretted making fun of others who had weird sunburns from uneven sunscreen application as we are now those people); back to the room until 5pm, then walked around Waikiki again and found Giovannis for dinner ziti, pizza and a pitcher of beer. Back to room by 630p, asleep at 730p, awakened by fireworks, woke up to watch and then back to sleep.

4.16-Bike, Snorkel and Swim Adventure! Bike was just coasting down a long hill. SB a bit letdown by lack of adventure there. Going out to snorkel, saw a whale and her baby!! and then saw some sea turtles in the water. Up so close I could hear him breathe when he was up for air! Hike through rainforest was muddy, humid, and mosquito filled, but really beautiful and fun and interesting! 2 out of 3 ain't bad! and we met some friends of my boss and his wife on the tour! crazy small Army world!

4.17-up at 3am, then 6am - coffee, watching golf, dumping photos, relaxing. Plan to walk down to the arts festival in a bit...

YES!

2011-04-15T19:24:00.001-05:00

Long story later, but...

SAME FLIGHT, both ways!

:) Thank you Jesus.

I love this man.

What's in a Day?

2011-04-10T11:13:00.002-05:00

I'm freaking out.

I just got a skype message from Stephen:

UPDATE: There is a possibility that I might be going straight to Kuwait with no layover. That would possibly mean that I would be in the US on the morning of the 12th, not the 13th. We can talk about it tonight. --noon KS time

That's 3 hours for me to look at flights, look up my hair/tan/eyelash/nail salon and see about moving some appointments, and repeatedly count days, ponder the possibilities, and just generally freak out a little bit until we get to actually talk.

What's to freak out about? So what if he gets there on the 12th, I'll be there the 13th! Is it really worth the time, energy and expense to move or cancel hair/tan/eyelash appts to the previous day (my esthetician is off Mondays, so that's going to cause a big ol issue) and then try to change my flight? I can't check into any of this because everyone is closed Sunday.

My rational side says, "just leave it alone." My heart says, "get there! Don't miss ONE SECOND with him!" If we only get 14 days out of the year, I hate to miss one. Maybe he will want to sleep a while when he lands from the half way around the world travel. I'm going to wait very impatiently for him to return to his room and tell me what he thinks is best.

And a lot of people in the Army community said that it would be very difficult to plan around the uncertainties of meeting somewhere, but I don't want to hear one "I told you so". I think 13 days together in paradise might just be better than 14 days together in stupid Kansas.

So there.

The Red Squiggly Line

2011-04-07T17:43:00.002-05:00

I love outlook email. And so many other computer programs. I'm typing away to a coworker about riding to a ceremony together and I ask if she minds if we stop at the Shoppette (that's the convenience store for regular people) for some throat lozengers. Hhmmm, red squiggly line. Turns out the correct term is lozenges. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I knew that. But at 0831 when my throat hurts from the smoke in the air created by the spring burning of the Kansas rangeland, I just want some soothing honey lemony drops, whatever the name!

And Speaking of Goals...

2011-04-06T21:48:00.002-05:00

My bff's son just made Eagle Scout!! I remember when he was born. And now he's almost a grown man and has accomplished something incredible! So so proud of him! :)

Loftier Goals

2011-04-06T19:45:00.002-05:00

oh.my.gosh. We're almost there. In just a few days we will be 1/2 way through this deployment. "Can you believe it's going by so fast?" --I'm not singling anyone out. I get this several times a day. "Going by so fast for WHO?" I want to say. But I don't. I know what it is like. I work for a unit that just came home. I was there when they left and there when they came home and it sure seemed like that year went by quickly. But my husband wasn't one of the almost 3,000 Soldiers who was away. So I understand that it seems to be flying for some.

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked. That's not the point I'm about to make. The point is this:

When this began 6 months ago I thought I had some goals. Looking back I didn't exactly list goals, it was more a list of coping skills. I mean, I don't think "wine" qualifies as a goal. (although some would argue!) I said yesterday that my goal for the second half of this deployment would be to learn to grill. I'd like to get this book that a friend of mine has with grill recipes for everything. It's by Weber, so you know it's good. First, though...I have to master hooking up the propane tank to the grill without having it explode and disfigure me for life (a very real fear I have). Then I have to light it, also without the disfigurement. Only after those two steps can I master the art of grilling. I'm thinking this is a really good goal.

But tonight my bff told me to write a book. Oh, she's been telling me that since I married Stephen and started "speaking some foreign language!" With all the acronyms, ranks, slang terms and idiosyncrasies of the military, she said from the beginning I should be writing a book. But tonight she pulled out the big guns. She told me about a friend of hers who has been reading my blog and thinks I really should write a book. It's not as though I thought bff was just saying that to make me feel good, but maybe she was just saying that. You know, to make me feel good. Or maybe I just didn't listen because I felt like only other people do stuff like write books. This friend of hers is a journalist. She does this for a living, so she knows what she's talking about. I've met her on several occasions and really like her a lot.* But me? Write a book?

I never really thought about a whole book, but if anyone asked me at any point in my life what I thought I was good at, the answer would be writing. Oh, sure, I totally wanted to be Olivia Newton John when I was growing up. Secretly I kind of still do. But a singer I NEVER was. I've always loved the words. I love the power they can hold if they are strung together just right. I love that they can bring up so many emotions. Sadness, admiration, love, boredom, anger, pride. And I really love that as much as I detest misuse of words and misspellings/poor grammar, if you are doing it purposefully, it's called artistic or literary license and it's not only allowed, but it's cool. I love that if you don't know how to spell a word, you can just find another one and make it work. :)

So maybe I'm going to give it a little thought. Maybe I'm going to think about a little loftier goal. No promises, but maybe. And maybe I'll take a couple weeks off to hang out with my husband in Hawaii and think about it! Three cheers for R&R!

hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray!

*I know you read that D, and I didn't just put it in there for you to read! :)

A Little Bit Unsettling

2011-03-31T19:21:00.003-05:00

So, someone mentioned to me today that they had been "surfing the internet" and came across some photos of me. WHAT? Yeah, the 365 project. OK. Remember a few months ago when I was going to take a picture every day for a year, the whole time that Stephen's deployed? Well...I quit 95 photos in. But I had my full name on my project.

Anyway, it kind of creeped me out, so I thought I'd google my name and see what came up. This is where I became even more unsettled. On the first page there were links to my bffs' blogs, one because my name was on it and one because I commented and my google id says my whole name. Then there was my FRSA facebook page, I don't care about that, it's completely public and I don't post private info on there. Then an article in which I was quoted (and misidentified) regarding an event for spouses of deployed Soldiers. A couple of reunion.com and identity search type sites were also there. But here's what's really weird...I saw a link with my name among many others so I clicked it. It went to a newsletter for our electric company. Its a coop, but it isn't as though we CHOSE this company to "coop" with. It's the one our apt complex uses. Right there on the "newest member" list was my name. I just think that's weird.

I'm not freaking out, not withdrawing from society, shutting down facebook, trying to get off the grid. But I do wonder how long that would take, to get off the grid. Or if it's even possible at this point. I try to live in such a way that I wouldn't be THAT mortified if my whole life were on the internet. Most days I think I do okay. I don't really think I'm interesting enough to cause much of a stir.

Of course, it's encouraging to know that I'm apparently also a runner who lives in Ohio! ;)

The Biggest Mistake

2011-03-27T21:48:00.001-05:00

Watching Army Wives tonight. Not a good idea.

The Damn Calendar

2011-03-24T12:13:00.002-05:00

I just keep looking at the calendar. 22 days until I get to see Stephen. If he gets to go on the date planned. Oh my gosh. 22 days. What happened to all that weight I was going to lose? Ugh. I don't care, though. I'm not harboring any delusions that I will be a swimsuit model. I am drinking only water and an occasional cup of coffee and eating a few calories as I can get away with (still functioning, being healthy-ish!) and hoping my clothes will be just a little looser.

Looked at it again. As though looking at it will make days go by faster. I do think the weekends will go quickly for the next couple. I'm headed for a wedding in Texas and a retreat to Kansas City, so with any luck those two will go quickly. It's the weekdays that aren't passing quickly enough. Now that the unit I work for has returned there is a lull like no other. The post redeployment lull is horrid. Soldiers are back so there is no more homecoming to plan, but they've gone on leave so there is no hustle and bustle about the building, either.

Yes, I have a couple of things to do. The newsletter and Volunteer of the Quarter nominations aren't writing themselves. But ack! I don't want to do it! And if I do that today, what'll I do tomorrow? So I'm emailing myself a blog entry because I can't sign on to the blog from here and post it now. I want to just go home. Or better yet to Hawaii!

Thursday and Friday look to be even worse! Training Holidays. So those Soldiers who are here now won't even be here! I feel a couple sick days coming on...

Oh, and the downer of the day...I have to change my password for my Army Knowledge Online account every 150 days. I did it today. I have to do it again before Stephen comes home. That's too long.

Didja ever...

2011-03-18T18:08:00.002-05:00

close your eyes really really tight and wish really really hard for something?

me too.

did it work for you?

me neither.

April 13

2011-03-16T20:09:00.003-05:00

Tonight

by Sugarland

If words could make it real
I'd tell you how I feel
Instead I'm waiting here on my knees love
I know how it feels to breathe
With you beside me
I think about it always...

Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

A lifetime for a day
Would be an even trade
No price I wouldn't pay
For your heart love
I know how it feels to breath
With you beside me
I think about it always...

Tonight, tonight, tonight

I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight,
Tonight, tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight.

Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

****

Waiting 4 weeks.

The video is just the photo with the words, but if you want to hear the song, there it is.

One more...

2011-03-16T14:11:00.003-05:00

Because this could have been SO CUTE! If it wasn't just a little bit over the top! (in my opinion, of course)

I think the shirt has ACU material cut out and then outlined my daddy is home or something, with a supercute coordinating skirt! and then there's that GIANT bow/ribbon explosion on the poor child's head!

Some Days

2011-03-13T13:25:00.002-05:00

I looked at the countdown today. I haven't been because it's been a little bit disheartening. But today I saw this:

201 days, 10 hrs, 35 mins, & 22 secs!

Some days my thoughts are: huh...that's not so bad! Almost in the 100s! That's over 1/3 there!

But some days my thoughts are: TWO HUNDRED DAYS!?! ACK! That's not really what I say. But it's nicer than "sh*t," which is what I say.

I want to cry, but what's that going to help? Some days I do anyway. Even though it doesn't help.

What helps? Wine. But it's 1pm. A Rascall Flatts special DVRd from the TV. That helped until the played some lovey song. But then my friend sent me a link to a website called "Why Did You Buy Me That?" and now I'm laughing my head off and I'm completely distracted! :)

thanks CGB!

http://whydidyoubuymethat.com

Fake Baby

2011-03-12T17:50:00.002-06:00

I know you have been waiting all week for this post. I hope it does not disappoint. Here is a little background information so that you will be just as flabbergasted as I am! That's right, I used the word flabbergasted! :)

1. If you've been following along, you know that we have had quite a few ceremonies for Soldiers returning from Iraq. I may have mentioned (read: devoted a whole partial post to it) the sometimes super overcrowdedness of the joint.

2. If you are unfamiliar with the military here's a little lesson: A Battalion Command Sergeant Major is the highest enlisted rank, (with the exception of Sergeant Major of the Army and there is exactly ONE of those). While spouses do not, or should not "wear" their husband's rank, it is kind of important for them to not act like asses and set a bad example for younger/less experienced spouses. Like it or not, sometimes a younger/less experienced spouse will look to a more senior one for guidance about what type of behavior is acceptable at ceremonies.

3. Due to the overcrowdedness, Soldiers ushering people into the ceremonies have asked that people who do not have strollers and are not handicapped or elderly please take a seat on the bleachers on the 2nd or 3rd row or higher.

SO--here it is. One of the Battalion Sergeant Major's spouses proceeded to march herself right into the ceremony in which her husband returned with a stroller containing...a FAKE BABY! It was a ball with a blanket over it. That's right. Instead of just saying, "you know, I got here really early and I'd really like to go ahead and sit on the front row (even though my husband will be right out front of the group where the BN CSMs stand, and I won't have to search for him like many spouses will) so I'm going to do so," she decided to allow her children (10ish and 8ish) to SEE her straight up lying to flout the rules and get her way.

It is not as though anyone could have or would have physically removed her. She went to EVERY ceremony, so she knows that people sat on the front row without strollers. She just wanted to try to make a point. I've never seen such selfishness. Can you BELIEVE that!??!?

Incidentally, she is the same one who doesn't like that the chaplain ends his prayer with "In the name of the one who has and always will sustain us" --So she shouts "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Which would be totally fine if she was truly praising God. But she isn't. She is trying to make a point to the chaplain who she tried to tell how to pray.

REALLY?!?!?! Ugh.

Sardines/Mission Banner

2011-03-11T18:00:00.005-06:00

Imma go ahead and make this just one post with several topics. And while it's not in the title, imma start with the slang "imma". I am not one who likes incorrect spelling or use of "text speak" in regular correspondence. I don't even care for text speak in text messages.

Urban dictionary says: Used in place of "I am going to..." Technically should be spelled i'mma but since this is a shortened version, we leave out the apostrophe!

and "imma", when used, implies either redneck blood, or an idiot.

At any rate, I have a love/hate relationship with this term. I guess the little bit of redneck idiot in me just can't help but love saying "Imma move on to the next topic."

Sardines. We are packed in that building we have the redeployment ceremonies in like sardines. For the smaller groups, 100-150 Soldiers, it's not so bad. But it starts to get pretty packed after that, and as more and more Soldiers came home, more and more came to the ceremonies to see their friends return. The second to last one, Wednesday night, was ridiculous. People wall to wall, and people standing in front of people who got there early enough to get seats. It was terrible! Tomorrow is the very last one. AND it has the colonel and command sergeant major. So although the # of Soldiers returning is a slight 100, the fact that 2600+ are already back, VIPs will want to be there to see the return of the COL/CSM, and its at a decent hour on a weekend...I fear we might be in the roll top can! But at least it is the VERY LAST ONE! Yaye!!

Last comment for today...a few ceremonies ago a lady had a banner that I thought was pretty cute. But pretty cute for putting up in our home. Not so much holding high in a ceremony also being attended by a few hundred people including elderly people and children. It said:

SPC Something

Your Next Mission

OPERATION GET NAKED!

and was held by a woman with a tshirt that read something like: it's about time you got back, now take care of your wife. ---something like that.

Cute, funny, clever? Yes, but not appropriate in that setting. In my opinion and that of many others who commented to me about it.

ok, I've saved the best for last. Tomorrow...FAKE BABY!

Redeployment Wardrobe

2011-03-10T18:46:00.012-06:00

So, let's start with the word "Redeployment". Yes, I know it sounds like they are leaving again. It doesn't mean that. It means they are coming home from a deployment.

Now, on with the topic at hand. The wardrobe. They all do it. I'll do it. One told me she changed clothes 10 times trying to find the "right" outfit. This was days before the actual return because that would be disastrous on the DAY OF! There would need to be another shower, hair doing and makeup application! The spouse of our highest ranking officer in the unit said today she might see about finding a new top. She's done this MANY times. You just want to look your VERY best the first time you see him since R&R. It's a big deal and I get that. It will be a big deal to me.

What I don't get is wanting him (and the other few hundred people there to see your boobs before you can even get him home! These are relatively mild examples.

And this one's sporting boobs AND some serious Gothic attire w

ith her Goth friend!

Save the bra for the house!

Also, please do not wear your pajamas!

Yes, I know that this is a child. But she is too old to be wearing pajamas in public, and this ceremony was not in the middle of the night (it was at night, but not the middle of the night. She wasn't asleep and then dragged out of bed to attend.)

This photo will be important in a later post.

Some other very troubling things I saw, I am sure are on display on babies around the world at other times, but I haven't seen this many babies in this short a time...maybe ever!

Your child is beautiful. STOP distracting people with giant bows, puffs and wads of tulle and Army Combat Uniform material!

Ok, that's the end of the wardrobe rant.

I, of course, will be wearing the perfect outfit in October! :)

PS-I love this little one's outfit. There are a lot of kids dressed like this. I like it. :)

So Many Posts...So Little Time

2011-03-09T21:26:00.002-06:00

I'm not eating right. I'm not sleeping right. But what I witness daily is exactly right. Today, 227 Soldiers came home to their families and friends. This was the 10th ceremony in 16 days. Saturday is the very last one. I cannot wait to sleep normal hours again. I cannot wait to go to the grocery store and start eating right so that I can wear something in Hawaii besides a moomoo! There are a lot of posts I've wanted to make over the past couple weeks. I hope to do that this weekend.

From my living room in my pajamas! :)

Posts to look forward to:

Fake Baby

Sardines

Mission Banner

Redeployment Wardrobe

okay, falling asleep writing this. see you soon.

Regarding Completely Dependent Spouse

2011-03-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

I'd like to correct something here. I posted about some spouses I've been encountering, and this was one:

-Completely dependent. She speaks very little English, has no drivers license, and expects someone to pick her and her 3 children up and find some car seats for them, and transport them to the welcome home ceremony. What?!

This was what I was led to believe about one of our spouses. Turns out, she is from the Philippines, and is much more fluent in English than the person who has been her link to the Army throughout this deployment (a very nice, but very busy lady whose first language is Spanish and who is constantly volunteering for things and not following through). And no, she doesn't have a driver's license, but I'm not convinced that she doesn't have one in her country, or maybe she doesn't need one there. She DOES have car seats, but they are in storage and she didn't bring the ones she had been using at her family's house because she believed that she could get to her things in storage when she arrived to Fort Riley and that's not the case. She also never expected anyone to take her to the ceremony, the no-follow-through (NFL) spouse told her she would LOVE to take her and her kids and then decided that wasn't convenient for her and asked the FRG Leader to do it or figure out how to make it happen.

WELL, I had the honor of spending several hours on two separate days to work this out. It doesn't technically fall in my job description, but it needed to be taken care of, she lives RIGHT by me, it really was a no-brainer. I took her and her 2, 4 and 6 yr old boys to the ceremony in my car using the NFL spouse's car seats (on loan). This is one of the highlights of this redeployment for me. She was so sincerely grateful. Her boys were dressed in button up shirts with ties and sweater vests and she in a nice dress, very attractive but not slutty and not inappropriate AT all (some people don't make good decisions when choosing an outfit for their husband's return). She was ready when I arrived even though I was suppose to collect her at 10:30am, but we got a change of time at 3am and I called her at 8am to say I needed to pick her up at 9am. She was obviously very nervous when I told her I would be there in an hour, she was concerned she couldn't get everyone ready. But she worked it out.

All the way there we visited about the Army and military spouse life. She and her husband are going to Germany from here, to Heidelberg, just down the road from where we were in Mannheim. She told me all about the Philippines and we were in agreement in our dislike for Kansas weather.

At the ceremony she cried, the boys cried, the Soldier cried, I cried. Her Soldier was so glad she was there, but never in a million years expected people to go out of their way and make it happen. Everyone was happy. It was a good day to be an FRSA.

FRSA=Family Readiness Support Assistant. For those who aren't following along. :)

THAT Spouse

2011-02-27T13:52:00.006-06:00

Friends, family and distinguished guests:

PLEASE do not let me be "that spouse". You know the one, or maybe if you are not familiar with the military you do not know the one. Let me explain...

There are actually several I am currently dealing with. They are:

--Completely dependent. She speaks very little English, has no drivers license, and expects someone to pick her and her 3 children up and find some car seats for them, and transport them to the welcome home ceremony. What?!

Know-it-all. She leaves these kinds of comments on the facebook page:
--OK can someone please explain, just got a call saying Main Body 3 is coming at 0530 hrs Monday, now this says 1200 hrs? Can someone please let me know which is correct!!
--I sure wish they would make up their mind, too many different times going around!!
--no my husband is on MB3 and it hasn't happend yet, they just keep tellin different people different times, just talked to my frg leader and she said 530 monday morning for MB3
--Well, just want to say, the hotline says 1200 hrs for mb3 so same as here but I sure hope that they clarify and have people call people back cause with this much misinformation going around someone is going to miss the ceremony. My question is, If I went by what I was told on my phone call and didn't have facebook, how would I know? Technology is great, but we can not rely on facebook for something this important!!!
--OK, its either 1200 hrs or 1230 hrs. and i am sure it will change fourteen times between now and then!!! Just want it over and them home. I know that everyone on Rear D!, and Karin and FRG people are crazy, just know we are venting and going crazy too!!
Someone else says:
--That is why we have the hotline number for people who dont have Facebook...
**Back to Know it all**
--This is not my first deployment its my fourth and I am not fussing at anyone particularly. I just personally feel that although initially the hotline sounded like a good idea at first and this sounded good at first that i much rather they wait till 24 hours ahead till when they are pretty definate about the time and day and call. Call me old school but regardless of what the hotline says or what it says on here, until I get a call I might as well be clueless.
**Little bit of redeeming posting**
William, Thank you for working hard. I do know how often it changes.
--I dont know for sure about mB5 but since 4 comes tomorrow 5 wont be far behind i would say wed or thurs at the latest
(and just so you know, this was ALL posted over 24 hrs prior to the arrival of MB 3 or MB4. So it isn't as though it was all changing at the last minute!)

Then, there is the "Always-Gotta-Be-Bitching-About-Something one:
--Whoo hoo can't wait for MB3. The ceremony was great but I thought at the end you say dismissed not released. The Soldiers don't know what to do when u say release. Please say "dismissed" so the Soldiers know. Thanks. Welcome Home everyone.
**Really? Because they don't know what to do?!?!? *eye roll*

and same one...
--Jaime I am with you. I received my phone call on Thursday and he is not coming home until Monday. I would of rather had a phone call 24-30 hours prior then this 4 days ahead of time stuff and then you sit and wait and then it changes again and again. At least when its 24 hours prior it is pretty much set in stone. This is ridiculous!!!

She meant "would HAVE, not would of..." Well, honey, some people come in from out of town and need to know as best we can speculate, understanding that things may change.

**and regarding the small space that the ceremony is in:
If you are looking at these pictures on FB, they do not do it justice. There is not a lot of room in here, so please bring as little as possible to the ceremony. I have been to all of them **all two that had been there before this message was posted** so far and the flights are going to get bigger (not true, many will be smaller than the one Monday) and there will be wall to wall people. At the last ceremony on Monday morning, we had 230 Soldiers and all their families and we had people sitting on the floor,standing behind the flags that are behind the Soldiers so please be courteous and leave strollers at home, just bring the bare minimum. So this is just a suggestion coming from someone who has been to all the ceremonies so far. **all TWO** Strollers are a safety hazard. People might trip on them or drop something or fall on them. So please just bring what you need that way there is more seating for everyone. Thank you.

** back pedal since someone checked with the command and was assured that strollers were fine!**
Bringing strollers is fine, because you will have to walk to the building from across the street and stuff, but I would leave them outside so it is not such a hazard to everyone. When they release the Soldiers, everyone races down on the floor and we don't want people to trip over strollers and stuff. We do need a bigger building.
Its ok to bring strollers, I was just making a suggestion due to safety. Lots of people bring them in. I was just making a suggestion because the building is small, and when they release the Soldiers and people come flying off of the bleechers and stuff, thats all. I would just bring in as little as possible or what works for you like Kirsten said above. I am just glad that they are coming home and this will all be over very soon.

----

Sorry, I got carried away with the facebook ridiculousness. I just don't understand why people have to get all freaked out and spun up when this should be a happy occasion!

Also...I won't copy and paste them all, but when you are moving nearly 3,000 people across the planet, there WILL be changes in arrivals, there WILL be odd times of the morning, and there WILL be some hiccups. Don't be that spouse. The one who wants to know WHY IS MY HUSBAND's arrival ceremony in the middle of the night?!? The next time I see that I am going to make a fake FB identity and post "because, it is ALL about you and we know you don't want to deal with a middle of the night ceremony so the entire brigade conspired against YOU!" I can't understand these people. Also, don't be the "wth" person or the "1015? That BLOWS!" person. Really? 1015 is midmorning! That's the BEST TIME GOING!
OR, the FRG leaders or others who "just go to all the ceremonies to support the unit" and then bitch the entire time about this, that or the other. Then DON'T GO! You aren't being supportive!

I guess it's okay to be the one who bitches about everyone else. Apparently, I am THAT spouse!

Winter

2011-02-01T19:30:00.006-06:00

And a few more...

My cool snowboots

Snow in the backyard

Table decorations at the Women's Conference

Making fleece blankets for returning Single Soldiers and Geographical Bachelors

Snow drift that reached 2 ft!

Snow downtown

Sorry for the panties and the sad looking tat. The point of the photo is that I was crouched down on the floor playing with the cat, she went around behind me and then decided to jump over me, using my back as a springboard!

Kitty covets my hot chocolate!

Recent Photos

2011-02-01T17:07:00.004-06:00

As you may have figured out...I've stopped doing the photo a day. It's just not working out. But here are a few I've taken recently for your viewing pleasure:

Heroes of the Silent Ranks

2011-02-01T16:53:00.003-06:00

There are a few people in every situation you face that make you feel a little less alone and enable you to have a little more of that "if you can do this, I can do this" spirit. My newest hero of the military spouse life is Mollie Gross.

Go ahead, Google her and watch a couple of her youtube videos. She's hilarious! She is a Marine spouse, and a stand up comedian. When her husband deployed the first time, she took some classes and workshops, perfected her craft, and now she tours around making the rest of us laugh at things that at times might make us cry.

She came to give the closing remarks at the Ft Riley Women's Conference, and that evening did her stand up show. It was the best $10 I've spent in a long time. And that was dinner AND the show! I also bought her book and cd (because I wanted them and because I'm all about supporting another military spouse!)

Thanks, for the laughs Mollie!

The Difference

2011-01-31T15:01:00.004-06:00

I'm home early from work again, and I have tomorrow off. This sounds like a great start to the week. Ordinarily it would be, but of course this is the week that I have a lot to take care of at work and not a lot of time to do it. I did bring some work home, and will do what I can from here. But that's not the point.

The point is...it isn't snowing today. It will tonight and tomorrow, and that's why we're not working tomorrow. But today it is ice. Let me tell you about some ice. It's bad enough that I'm straining every muscle in my legs, feet and abdomen to stay upright and not bust my butt on the pavement. Then I get to scrape the windshield and side windows. The scraper comes with a claw end.

This is not my ice scraper, but see how one end has sharp points? Mine is like this. I didn't realize until this year, the last time we had ice, but even more so this time that you have to use that on the ice. You cut the ice with it, and then put the scraper side on it and it is only then possible to scrape it off. So, you try to get a decent foothold in the parking lot, but mostly you scrape/slide, scrape/slide all the way around the car until you can see well enough to get out on the road.

I thought I hated the snow. Turns out, I hate the ice more!

The Rest of the Story

2011-01-30T16:00:00.002-06:00

This was posted to the 2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team Facebook page:

2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team 1st Infantry Division On Saturday, we lost one of our heroes. SPC Jose A. Torre, Jr., 21, of Garden Grove, California, died in Baghdad of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with a rocket-propelled grenade. He was assigned to C Company, STB. We are collectively mourning the loss of our fallen comrade and our hearts and deepest sympathies are with his Family, Friends, and fellow Soldiers during this difficult time.

Here is a story:

http://www.dvidshub.net/news/64433/fallen-dagger-brigade-soldier-remembered-generosity-dedication-fellow-soldiers

And to show you what a truly small Army it really is, my rear detachment company commander's husband, currently working in the rear detachment of 2HBCT, ID was given the task of flying to Iraq and escorting home this Soldier's remains. As solemn and sad as this sounds, it is also a great honor. CPT G (my CPT G) showed me pictures he (her husband, CPT G) sent and told me what he told her about how professional and how respectful the whole process is every step of the way.

It is beyond horrible to lose a Soldier, but the Army takes care of them. They are treated with the highest level of honor and respect because that is what they deserve, each and every one of them.

Sad Day

2011-01-16T12:25:00.006-06:00

A little over 15 weeks into this deployment, I have come up with some routines and systems and am settling into the "regularness" of it. If I haven't seen Stephen online in a few days or gotten any of those Skype post it notes we exchange, I generally see his company executive officer (XO) on skype just about all the time. So I look to that as a secondary means of comfort. If I've seen neither, I tend to get a little nervous because when something happens downrange, a serious injury or fatality, they blackout all communications so that the appropriate family members are notified in an appropriate manner, not by rumors and hard truths spreading all through the interwebs.

So, last week I didn't hear from him or see anyone on Skype for several days. Turns out, they had no internet connection. He said he thought it might have had something to do with the tower they use getting struck by lightening. Well, that makes sense.

Only now, it's for real. I got a message from Heather (friend from high school whose family is at Ft Riley and whose husband Joe is also in Iraq right now) that Joe sent her a quick text before they lost connection. His brigade lost a Soldier yesterday.

When we lived in Germany there was a Soldier killed in Iraq and Stephen had to notify his family. It was terrible. It was hard for him. It was hard for me to see him go through that. But this is completely different. The "could have been"s will get you if you let them. He's not home with me. He's there, and now someone has been killed during his tour. Joe has to plan the memorial downrange.

I've been writing this post for over an hour. I can't find the words. I'm sad. Sad for the Soldier, for his family and for all of those lost before him and after him. I'm scared. Scared for Stephen and Joe and all those we know and don't still there and everywhere else in combat. I'm helpless. There is nothing I can do to get away from the fact that Stephen is there and will be for a while longer. What I am not is hopeless or without faith.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Photos...

2011-01-08T10:14:00.003-06:00

So, I'm not really keeping up with the photos. I'm trying. But I'm sick of sunsets, sunrises, ice on the windshield and endless photos of the cat. I might try to play catch up, I might not. I said about 6 months ago that I wasn't going to force myself to do something that I didn't love. I don't love stressing about making sure I have a photo each day or finding filler ones. I'm torn though. I do love getting to the end of a task I've set out to do. We'll see, but it's not looking good.

Overheard

2011-01-05T20:45:00.006-06:00

So, I'm sitting in my office today, and I overhear a conversation between a Specialist (SPC) and a Staff Sergeant (SSG). SPC has been in the Army 2 years. SSG 10. SPC has deployed once, SSG at least twice, I think maybe three times. They are comparing stories about their deployments and I hear SSG say, "my biggest mistake". I lean in. I hear SPC say, "ooooh, yeah. What did you get?"

Well, I wasn't going to strain my hearing and get a headache, so I got up and tiptoed to the doorway of my office. Yes, I know that's rude. It's straight up eavesdropping, not just overhearing.

Not the point.

SSG says, "magic jack."

This is MagicJack:

But here is what was creep-to-the-door-to-listen interesting. His "big mistake" was that with this little device, it was easy for him to constantly communicate with his spouse.

That sounds really wonderful. And I think like anything else, in moderation it IS wonderful.

But the problem, from what I could decipher, was that he was TOO accessible. His wife was calling him daily, and expected calls to be returned in a timely manner at very untimely times. She was calling at 2am his time. Or while he was in meetings or out on missions. If he didn't call back within what she felt was an appropriate turn around, she got upset and resentful and suspicious.

I think (not that I know it all, but I've been around a lot of spouses in the past few years) that not only is it detrimental to the Soldier's well being because he/she is trying to manage home and work 5,000 miles apart. It's very difficult to BE in two places at once and that's what he/she is trying to do keeping up this kind of contact.

But it isn't just the Soldier who suffers. I think the spouse is robbed of the opportunity to thrive in his/her spouse's absence. It's tough to be self sufficient and self reliant and resourceful when you are leaning on a daily call.

I'm glad we decided to have skype calls about once a week, and email contact every couple of days or so. I'm so grateful for the communication we have that the Soldiers before ours didn't. But new capabilities bring new problems.

Its a delicate balance, and I hope I'll be able to walk that line successfully.

Disclaimer: this was typed while anxiously awaiting that skype call! ;)

Happy 2011

2011-01-01T11:17:00.003-06:00

wow. 2011. 1.1.11. I resolve to get through this year! :)

Kidding. I resolve a few other things, and in doing so, here is last year's list to compare:

So, here goes:
1. Lose the Wedded Bliss/Living in Germany/Moving Back to America weight and be healthier.

**Haven't exactly done this. Have worked on it, though!
2. Be flexible, but also firm with things that matter to me.

**I think I've pretty well done this. Maybe I should have been a little more firm with Stephen's superiors regarding the whole deployment thing.
3. Tell people what I want instead of expecting them to read my mind and act accordingly.

**Probably could work a little harder on this. My usual MO is to not say something TO a person about how I'd like something to be but to tell others how it isn't like I'd like. Not a good way to get what I want.
4. Change my Facebook profile pic weekly, and always have someone beside me in it that I love.
**I think I did this for a while. And mostly put pictures of me and Stephen, but then I got all sidetracked putting Jem of Jem and the Holograms and a bunch of just me and one of a painting. The more I think about it, this isn't a good resolution. Who cares? I'll just put whatever I put whenever I put it. This doesn't even make sense! I must have been just trying to come up with resolutions!

5. Do #4 (and other little things) to keep me mindful of all the people in my life that I love and who love me.

**Look, I even stretched it into TWO resolutions. Modifying this one to read simply: Be mindful and in touch with people I love and who love me.
6. Scrapbook

***yeah, yeah, yeah...still would like to do this. We'll see.
7. Work with husband on money matters.

**Totally did this! I'm doing all the household budgeting and bill paying now that he's out the country! And doing a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself. Go me! :)
8. Only buy, keep and do things that are beautiful, useful or bring me joy.

**Doing a pretty good job of this.
9. Accessorize

**CHECK!
10. Laugh, Live, Love
**Yes, as often and as passionately as I can!
That's all I've got for now, but I reserve the right to change, modify, add, delete, steal from lists of others. :)
Happy 2010!

SO, this year:

Lose weight, always with the lose weight! (and be healthy!)

Flexible but firm

SAY what I want

Love my loved ones

Scrapbook (?)

Be money wise

Accessorize and add lip gloss if not lip color!

Live, Laugh, Love!

AND fill this year with good things not wallowing in Stephen's absence. (This was my October resolution when he left)

Have a wonderful, prosperous, gentle, strong, hopeful and happy new year.

Photos Dec 20-Dec 31

2010-12-31T16:49:00.004-06:00

Again...falling behind and catching up!

12.20 Stephen in the fancy chair. He sent this to me. He's so cute.

12.21 - Christmas post card. Merry Christmas from Iraq and Kansas!

12.22 - Christmas tree. FREE from Trees for Troops!

12.23 - Stephen made this Christmas card. He found it hilarious. Too bad I'd already sent out the others.

12.24 - White Elephant gifts and black and white kitty. Who wants to trade?

12.25 - Christmas with the family

12.26 God Bless - My friend, Joy gave me this ornament/window decor and I just love it.

12.27 Brutha - My brother chillin on my couch. I love him.

12.28 WDB! I know this is hard to see. Just know it means I'm in the running to win the Frenchie Rules Football League World Domination Bowl! :)

12.29 End Call Button - I took this picture after having to hang up the phone with Stephen. It was actually taken a few weeks ago, and I was on the fence about sharing it. This is as raw as it gets. Luckily the last one of this post makes up for it!

12.30 Peek a Boo Kitty Boo Beasley

12.31 Sunny Day! Last day of 2010, the sun was shining and it was SO warm and cozy!

See you next year! :)

Dec 13 through Dec 19

2010-12-19T20:54:00.003-06:00

There are a couple of borrowed photos in here. :)

12.13-Fire at the Cracker Barrel

12.14-Sunset leaving work

12.15-Kitty chewing the Christmas tree

12.16-Borrowed from Amy, taken at the Zilker Christmas Tree

12.17-Fancy Carribean Chicken Salad

12.18-Over 500 bags with Soldiers names. Christmas Luminaries honoring deployed Soldiers.

12.19-Stephen in front of the Perfume Palace in Bagdad

Photos-First Couple Weeks of December

2010-12-12T11:15:00.005-06:00

Dec 1 - Fond memories...Oh NO! Mr. Biiiilllll!

Dec 2 - My favorite fabric of all time. Denim.

Dec 3 - Birds on a wire

Dec 4 - Birds, wire, moon

Dec 5 - Ice shavings left when window goes down in the morning

Dec 6 - Sweet Sign

Dec 7 - My all time favorite sculpture. The Kiss, by Auguste Rodin (photo courtesy of my brother. Thank you, Wade!)

Dec 8 - Birthday Boy! - with a mustache!

Dec 9 - Frozen water. I left my 1/4 full glass (or is that 3/4 empty?) of water in the car over night. When I got in the car to leave for work the next morning, I picked up the glass, in turn-in-over-like-a-blizzard-at-Dairy-Queen style.

Dec 10 - Frozen water faucet

Dec 11 - Ice Skate. I've done this before, it was much easier then. I'm claiming "skates too loose."

Dec 12 - Deprived.

What a CROCK!

2010-12-11T18:32:00.002-06:00

So...I said this a while back. When I was talking about all what I was going to be doing while Stephen was gone:

"But I don't just want to pass the time; I don't want to just lose a year. It's a year without my husband, but it's still a year of my life. So along with regular routine stuff, I'm trying to add in things that I don't or won't do when he is here. Like movies he'd have no interest in seeing, eating chinese food and seafood and that type of thing."

I have had some Chinese food and some seafood. I've seen a couple of movies he wouldn't care to see. But yeah, I'd be happy for this year to go ahead and be done.

Thinking of Quitting

2010-12-02T20:24:00.006-06:00

the photo a day project. It's been 9 weeks. I'm thinking there just aren't that many exciting/photoworthy things going on around here. While I ponder the decision, here are the 11/21-11/30 shots:

11/30 - Peanut shells on the table at the steakhouse

11/29 - Sun, Sand, Surf, Seagulls. aaaahhh!
11/28 - Friends for 25-30 yrs.

11/27 - Tampa Sunrise from top of pking lot at airport

11/26 - "You talkin' to me?" Tampa Zoo

11/25- mmmm, haaaammm.

11/24- Soaking up the sun

11/23- "Lay Flat to Dry". Should also say, "Do not let kitty jump and run across!"

11/22 - Eyelash Extensions

11/21- NOT the Christmas Card

Hate the End Call Button

2010-12-01T21:52:00.002-06:00

About once a week or 10 days I get to talk to Stephen on Skype. We spend a few minutes getting organized, he hooks up the microphone and camera, I make sure my hair isn't a mess. He calls at the prearranged time (give or take an hour). Times are prearranged by instant messages to one another over Skype that aren't really instant at all. They are actually a serious of post its left for one another when the other is at work or asleep or doing something other than sitting at the computer. Every few days we have a real time instant message back and forth for a few minutes. But these Skpe chats are what I am so thankful for. I know that those who've gone before him didn't have this luxury and I truly am grateful that we do.

We laugh, we talk, he gets the pleasure of seeing me yell at the cat for getting into things and then biting me when I make her stop. (She has some attention issues. It happens to a lot of children when one parent deploys and the one remaining gives them extra attention and then takes it back when the deployed parent is back in the picture.) Anyway, we talk about work and life and people and things. We say things that we're familiar with that make us "us". Little inside jokes and stuff. It's really nice. And I do fine.

And then it happens. I see him look down at the bottom of the screen. I know he's looking at the computer clock. I know the "okay...well" that comes next. He usually starts a few minutes before he REALLY has to go so that there is time for "oh, one more thing. Forgot to tell you. Did you get that email?" last minute things.

Then a lot of I love yous, I miss yous and "mwah!"s. Then it's time. One of us has to click the End Call button. It's usually me because he's having some kind of computer issue, but tonight it was him. Once the clicker of the dreaded button is determined, he or I put the mouse on it and make it obvious this is the last couple of exchanges and then it's clicked. The Skype End Call Sound is made. Boo-a-woop.

And then I cry.

Touchy, Touchy!

2010-11-22T16:03:00.002-06:00

Usually when I feel strongly about something, but I know where I stand and don't need agreement from anyone else, I'll just keep to myself about it. I'd rather you think what you think while I think what I think and have all that messy confrontation business avoided. I don't need to try to make you think the way I do because what you think doesn't concern me.

However, when someone's different thinking is going to have a direct impact on my life, I'm going to have to say something. So, here it is...

If you want to "opt out", go ahead. DRIVE YOURSELF or don't travel by air. Don't be holding up my security line because you are afraid the TSA agent is looking at your boobs on the screen or going to touch your crotch in an allegedly inappropriate manner. Or worse, you are trying to make a statement. Make your statement by NOT using the airlines at all. That only punishes the airlines, not the other customers.

I just went on a trip that involved 4 flights one way, and 3 the other. At one of the checkpoints I had to "endure" the pat down. I wasn't wearing another shirt under my hooded sweatshirt, so there wasn't the option of removing it, so the security agent asked if I'd consent to a pat down. Sure, whatever, as long as it doesn't make me miss my flight.

She explained in great detail EXACTLY what she was going to do with the BACKS of her hands, and repeated it on her way. Seriously. I've been groped far more inappropriately by someone who was falling and reached out to steady herself. Maybe she was doing it wrong. Maybe she should have been much more invasive and maybe someone has been and that's what all the ruckus is about. I don't know.

I just know that when you live in the middle of nowhere and you need to get outta town, the last thing you need is someone holding up the line trying to change the world back to "what it use to be". Do that on your own time, please.

Besides, that's more action than I've gotten in, oh...about 7 weeks otherwise! ;) (kidding, babe!)

Caught up to 11/20!

2010-11-21T20:32:00.006-06:00

11/15. Kitty watches the sunrise in the morning.

11/16. I know you can't really see it, but this is the first snow I've seen this year. It flurried for a couple of hours, but didn't stick.

11/17. Old photo. This is why we don't have plants in the house.

11/18. self explanatory

11/19. All of a sudden, Beasley thinks anytime the laundryroom door is open she must jump into this laundry basket.

Saturday, 11/20, CAB FRG stuffed 160 stockings for our Soldiers downrange.

Still Catching Up on Photo-a-Day

2010-11-17T20:33:00.008-06:00

and up through Nov 14:

Me and my uncle Dale. (taken Christmas 2009), he passed away 11/1.

11/2

11/3 Flying out of Manhattan, KS

11/4 - Me and Baby Kenzie

11/5 Snicker Doodle. At the Baptist Temple church after Uncle Dale's funeral.

11/5 - Also at the church lunch. I love these signs.

11/6 My Aunt Paulette and her friends Judy and Sharron. I took a lot of these, and this one cuts off Sharron's head, but I LOVE that my Aunt Paulette is laughing it up like one can only do with her nearests and dearests.

11/7 Sweet, sweet baby Kenzie!

11/8 Cousin Fun!

11/9 - Photo found of preteen hottie! :)

11/10 Tell tale sign of the valley, the trademark palm tree.

11/11 - Trying on some freaky shoes at the mall.
11/12 - 3 dragonflies

11/13 - Texas Tea at Red Door Airstream night out with the girls!
11/14 - Beer booth at the airport? I can't say I've ever seen that!

At Work

2010-11-17T11:52:00.002-06:00

But SO TOTALLY not working. I just can't get in the groove. My only goal today is to clean off my desk. I did clean off my deskTOP on my computer. I just can't really focus. I got to talk to Stephen for a long time on Skype this morning, the longest conversation we have had since he's been gone. (7 weeks today!) We talked about bills and the cat and the FRG and his work and mine and our families, and the weather and I don't even know what else. It really made my week.
Maybe I should think about working. Hhhmmm...oh, it's lunchtime! :)

Me and My Bests.

2010-11-16T20:20:00.008-06:00

All three of us 40 years old, just from Nov 4-Nov 18.
This was taken Nov 12, 2010; 20ish years since our first ink.
I love these girls. (That's Jack with us. I don't love him, but he does nice work.)

Catching Up on Photo-a-Day

2010-11-13T17:00:00.003-06:00

In my previous life (you know, the other day) I'd have gotten all freaked out because I decided to do this photo-a-day thing and haven't been able to keep up with it for the past couple of weeks. But in my new "I'm being flexible and not so black and white about everything I put on myself to do" life, I'm catching up with what I can when I can. So here are the photos from the last week of October:

10/27 Kitty's new fancy fountain:

10/28 Stretching Kitty:

10/29 Meeting Darryl Worley:

10/30, Brunette:
10/31 Halloween Kitty! She's being scary by sleeping with her eyes open.
I'm working on the first two weeks of November...there will be fewer kitty and Heather pictures, more of what's going on around us!

This Week

2010-11-09T22:09:00.003-06:00

I've been in the valley for almost a week visiting with family and helping my aunt take care of some business following the death of my uncle Dale. It's been a wonderful and sad time. It's hard for me to write about. It's kind of hard (but warms my heart) to think about. I just keep thinking about all those summers spent in this house. With the gold 70s carpet, and gold curtains that provided the backdrop for all my cousins event photos. It has changed, been renovated and updated, but it's still that house he came home to every day from work saying, "did we get any mail?"

Hard as it is to form the thoughts into sentences, here are some things that have touched my heart this week:

--Checking off things on the list that we made to get things going with those paperwork chores that must be done with someone passes away. I love feeling like I'm helping.

--Coke floats, a favorite in our family.

--All the kids, my cousins kids filling the house with laughter and youth and innocence.

One of them asking as they were preparing to leave for his Papa Wood. He's only two and knew that this is where he sees Papa Wood, and he didn't want to go without seeing him. One was glued to my side, reminding me of her mama when we were both much younger versions of ourselves. Another reminding me of her mama when she was young and ornery and loving and bold. And the oldest and youngest, just 3 weeks old soft, sweet and cuddly; and 8 yrs old getting wise to the world, saying the Lord's Prayer and blessing his family beyond his years.

--Tears. Some have fallen every day at some point from each of us. Obviously at the memorial. And on the day of arrival. Each time a person came to the house for the first time, they came in tidal waves. Then when each person left for their trip back to their town. Throughout the week comments and gestures and just the little things have brought them on.

--Reminiscing. SO many stories and memories and both good and bad times brought up. So much history.

--Siblings. My dad and his sister. My brother and me. My cousins. My Uncle Dale and his sister Frances. My cousins' other cousins.

--Good friends. My aunt's good friends looking after her. My cousins' friends flying and driving down and loving on them.

Miss you Uncle Dale.

2010-11-06T12:42:00.001-05:00

Today's schedule

2010-10-31T00:58:00.003-05:00

5:30am-awaken to kittyboo pawing at the blinds.

5:31am-crack blinds so she can see out and will be QUIET for the LOVE OF GOD!

7am-sleepily turn off alarm and reluctantly get up. Very reluctantly.

7:25-stop for coffee and bagel.

8am-arrive at Hair Experts to get a new look.

10:30something-leave salon stop a couple places to look for a sweater, be unsuccessful.

Noon-get a massage and wish this person would take a lesson from my brother.

1pm-go home, take and post photos of new hair and start laundry. Seriously consider nap.

2pm-wander into bedroom and see the one pillow on the one side of the bed. Lay down to cry because I want to show Stephen my new hair and complain that he's watching golf, but lay down with him on the couch and "watch" for a few minutes.

2:10pm-suck it up and drive on, switch load of laundry, untangle MASS of hose, 2 bras and pair of pants. Consider taking a photo of the serious mess it is. Decide I'm too lazy, besides, what am I going to do? Post a photo of my undergarments on the blog?

2:15-5:30pm-Finish laundry, sweep/mop kitchen, make some lentils, fight with computer, tear up a few more times about songs, photos, memories, daydreams or trips back into the bedroom.

5:31pm-Get a call from a friend to come over for dinner with her neighborhood. Think at first I'll just stay home as planned, but change mind and decide it will do me some good.

6pm-go to friends, have 2 beers, eat some German food (it was an Oktoberfest themed gathering) and have a good time. Boss is there and he tells me that I am doing a phenomenal job, I am the example of what someone in my position should aspire to, and that hiring me was one of the best decisions of his command. (seconds later-made mental note to remember what he said)

8:30pm-Returned home, so happy that I got out of the house and into a new frame of mind.

8:45p-1:25am-Pay bills, watch tv, post Darryl Worley photos, organize photos of the day...there MUST be something else! That's a long time to not do much!

Time for bed! And tomorrow, we're sleeping late. Hear that, kittyboo?!

hhhmmm...27

2010-10-26T19:53:00.003-05:00

I cannot fathom that it's only been 27 days. And at the same time, I'm already getting tired of that photo-a-day great idea I thought I had 27 days ago. I'm not tired of doing it. I'm tired of Stephen not looking at them. In his defense, he didn't have his computer until today (and I don't know if it is connected and working yet) and he's been working 7 days a week from about 7 or 8am to 9 or 10pm. That's too much. So I get it that he doesn't have the time or energy to borrow someone's computer to look to see a photo of the cat, a sunrise, or whatever funny, cute, or interesting random thing I felt photoworthy on any given day.

So, I've stopped sending them. I'm going to start sending them weekly, at least until he is up and running and requests that they be changed back to daily deliveries. I'll be sending them by posting them here because I think that is easier for him to look at than downloading each and every one. Why didn't I think of that sooner? Oh, that's right. It IS sooner. It's only been 27 days.

Tired, fat kitty boo (10.22)

Me with Chris and Mary's cat Alex, who is not interested in cooperating in the photo shoot. (10.23)

New sandwich maker! (10.24)

Beautiful sunrise (10.25)

New egg pan that I dearly love. Look how cute it makes the eggs stay small enough for the bread. AND I can flip it! (10.26)

English/Grammar/Pronunciation/Vocabulary Irritation

2010-10-22T19:16:00.003-05:00

I know this is crazy. I know I'm being rude and a little bit ridiculous. But I am not being an elitist.

e·lit·ism or é·lit·ism (-ltzm, -l-)

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

a. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.

b. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

Yes, I looked it up. I don't think I am better than these people. I'm sure they have math abilities or cooking talents I can't touch. I'm just saying that it grates on my last nerve to be in a class and have the following violations committed:

Pacific. Not as opposed to Atlantic, but as in "a pacific plan." You mean SPECIFIC.

Inter Regration. That is how it was pronounced. The word was integration.

Because, why? I don't know if this is really incorrect, but I do know it's annoying. "The chicken crossed the road. Because, why?" Pause for class to answer the question. "to get to the other side."

Electronical. Not a word.

Pedofilers. Also not a word.

Supposebly. UGH.

Cognant. Again, not a word. It is cognizant. To be aware of or have knowledge of.

and yes, this is how I spent my time in training this week. Making notes of these gaffes.

Call Day!

2010-10-18T13:24:00.002-05:00

So...I hope this doesn't become a "he called today" blog. But Stephen called! (yesterday). It's been hard for him to call or email because he doesn't have his computer and he's been busy doing inventories and...well...killing mice. I guess there were a couple residing in his detention facility home and they've been taken care of.

Other than that, not much to report from Kirkuk. He says the food is good, it's about a 40 step walk to the port-o-let, or another 100 ft to a bank of showers and toilets. So, not the picture of modern convenience, but he said it's not bad. It's a 2 minute walk to the shack he works in from his living quarters, and a bus or humvee ride to the dining facility.

That's about it for his news, just busy, busy, busy.

I've been working, and keeping myself occupied after work with Army spouse stuff, rearranging our furniture, etc. Also, starting today, I'm Walk To Iraq and Back! (Figuratively)

Settling In

2010-10-12T22:51:00.003-05:00

Stephen called today to give me the 4-1-1 on the sitch in Kirkuk. He's apparently living in some sort of detention center/jail. He's got his own room, and there is one bathroom that 9 of them will share. There is another one in a "shower trailer" outside or down the street or something.

He is starting to settle in, and worked a 12.5 hr day today. He expects he will be working a lot, long hours and long days. He said he and his group of 7 will do the work of the departing group of 16. I guess that means he won't be sitting around bored as he feared.

I expect to get a mailing address soon, and I'll pass that along.

In My Bag o Tricks

2010-10-08T11:23:00.004-05:00

So, it's been over a week. I've been thinking about this post for several days. At the end you will likely say "that doesn't seem like a post that should have taken several days to come up with!" And really it isn't that I was trying to think of it. It was that I've been thinking I should probably post something, and this is what the next one will be...

A list of things that a spouse of a deployed Soldier should have to get through it. For me, it goes without saying (but I'm saying it anyway) an incredible support system of friends and family who are checking in on me and letting me know they care for me, are there for me, and will do whatever they can to make it better. This alone makes me feel safe and secure. The following list helps to keep me sane.

1. A Plan
My plan for this year is to lose weight. Yes, I know that is my plan for every year. But this year is going to be different. Yes, I know I say that every year. But this year I'm not having cookies or chips or coke in the house. And this year I've got the treadmill taking up half the living room and looking all out of place in there. And this year....I'm GOING TO HAWAII!! oh yeah.
So, while I allowed myself to wallow in his leaving for the first weekend (that quickly morphed into the first week), I'm on track. Working out, eating right, drinking water.

2. Plans
It's important to stay busy. I have plans to go places, to do things, to stay involved. I'm going to get a very detailed planner and fill it up. Again, yes, I know I always do this. But it's a concious effort this time. And I intend to plan to have no plans sometimes. Because one must strike a balance between busyness (<--is that right?) and downtime. Sometimes my plan for the evening is a couple glasses of wine and all the DVRd episodes of Criminal Minds. Yes, that IS a plan! Part of staying busy is just routine. Going to work everyday, going to the gym, having a regular routine passes the time better than anything else I know. But I don't just want to pass the time; I don't want to just lose a year. It's a year without my husband, but it's still a year of my life. So along with regular routine stuff, I'm trying to add in things that I don't or won't do when he is here. Like movies he'd have no interest in seeing, eating chinese food and seafood and that type of thing.

3. Wine
All the spouses I know have wine. This is not to say that they are drinking a bottle a night. Please do not send me a list of local AA meetings. #4 will keep the wine consumption in check. It is nice, though to curl up on the couch with a glass of sweet red and the remote. And/or the cat.

4. Battle buddies
I think this sounds silly. When a Soldier goes into combat, he/she always has a battle buddy who has got his/her back, who can be counted upon to bring him/her home safely. People often say the same about spouses. It is true, it's just the term I think is silly. But the sentiment is true. I have some friends here on post who are going through the same thing I am. If I'm having a rough time of it, one of them is not right now and can smooth things out some. Or can let me be or bring me a glass of wine or take me to eat mexican food (and then walk it off with me!) "They" say you should have A battle buddy, but I think you need several. I have one I went to high school with. We aren't super close and actually had not spoken since 1988 until we realized we were going to be stationed together, we do come from the same place. I have several whose husbands (in the unit I work for) left and will return 6 months prior to mine. They are all going on mid tour leave right now, so that's helping me look forward to our R&R leave. It will be difficult when this unit returns and I still have 6 months to go, but that's the cycle. Then I have a couple whose husband's are with mine. So on any given day at least one of them will be having an okay time of it and can pull me out of a slump or vice versa.

5. Information/Resources
The Army is pretty good about providing spouses with information and/or resources for whatever situation may arise. Red Cross, Legal Assistance, Rear Detachment contacts, counseling services, classes, etc., If you can't find help, you aren't looking very hard.

I guess that's about it. I think it's a pretty valuable set of tools. or tricks. or treats. OK...I'm going before I get too corny. mmmm, candy corn!

Big Plans

2010-10-03T20:16:00.003-05:00

Today I had some big plans! I'm going to rearrange the livingroom and get the treadmill in there so that I can watch all the shows I've recorded and not feel guilty about it because I'm exercising, I said. I could watch tv in the guestroom where it was, but then I had to settle for whatever was on tv at the time, I reasoned.

SO, I cleaned the kitchen, both bathrooms, the bedrooms and finally the livingroom. I got everything how I wanted it and then brought in the treadmill. Well, it's too big! It blocks the tv from all but two possible places to sit. And those are not my favorite places.

I must figure out a better plan. Maybe I'll do that sometime this week. The good news is that kitty has new toys!

2 receipts, 3 bottle lids, 2 golf tees and the jack-n-the-box head! woohoo!! :)

The Very Best

2010-10-02T08:09:00.002-05:00

I have the absolute very best. I have the best family. And that's immediate, extended and inlaw. I have the best friends including those close to my heart but far from my home, those new in my life and nearby my house, and some I haven't seen in a long long time. I have the best cat. Even when she scratches me.

I've gotten text messages, phone calls, emails, facebook messages*, kind words and invitations to dinner, movies, visits, drinks, etc., and so many thoughts and prayers that I can honestly say I can feel them.

I'm so so thankful and feel so blessed with those in my life who will keep me afloat.

* - Speaking of Facebook, I think everyone reading this has likely heard my stand on deployment info posted there, but just to be sure...I'm not, and ask you not to put anything on the wall about this deployment, him being gone, etc. I have friends with husbands deployed who do, and that's their choice. I just don't want to put it out there in that forum. Thanks!

OK, time to go about the business of Saturday!

AND

2010-09-30T20:54:00.002-05:00

I forgot to tell you! He called at about 4:30pm today. He was just getting settled in Kuwait. 36 hrs. That's a looooong trip! I told him to get some rest, and he said he would and would also see about wifi at the local Starbucks! If they had it, he'd try to send an email. :)

Getting Through

2010-09-30T20:31:00.002-05:00

So, in deciding to restart the blog with this adventure apart, I've had some thoughts/revelations. They are:

First, I thought that I'd keep it all sunshine and roses here. Stay positive. Be up! But then I thought that's not really real. I know there are going to be days that suck. I'd rather just be honest. That's not brutally honest, mind you. and real but not raw. There will be things that I think and feel and do that don't make it to the pages of this blog. But I won't blow a lot of smoke either.

Second, or is that secondly? Is it secondly if it isn't firstly? Mary? Anyway, my next note is that I've thought of something fun and I hope SB will like it. I'm taking a photo with my phone each day and emailing it to him. Not a giant long message or list of questions or comments or never-ending commentary about my day at work. Just a photo. Maybe with a clever name or caption or explanation. I hope he likes it.

Finally, I've come to the realization that as hard as the past day has been, it isn't even because I miss him. He hasn't even been gone that long. But that year looming ahead of me is overwhelming. I hope that once a few weeks have gone by and it is no longer a year I should be good to go!

Watch out...here comes that sunshine!

The Beginning of a Long Year

2010-09-29T20:02:00.004-05:00

Today SB left for a year long deployment. I think I've done well with it. I mean, since he's been gone a whole 12 hours. I sat down to write this post, only to find that I don't really know what to say. So, here it is in pictures:

Kitty thinks maybe she can help out. "Can I go?"

Fooling around, getting in formation and being called to attention for the last time on Ft Riley.

I think this Soldier's gear and weapon are almost bigger than she is!

At ease. The Command Sergeant Major and Battalion Commander give a short speech to the Soldiers and Families.

After a talk about what lies ahead, and a confidence boost in the explanation that these few were hand chosen to go ahead of the larger group to prepare the way, they make their way to the bus.

This is my last in person look until R&R leave. I'm glad it's a happy one. I love you. mwah.

New Leaves

2010-05-17T19:15:00.002-05:00

I'm about to be 40. Is that too old to learn a new trick? Too set in my ways to turn over a new leaf? I'm hoping not. I've been spending some time thinking about some things, and it's time to make some changes. (I'm starting by not obsessing about the fact that I just used the word "some" three times in the last sentence.)
I am who I am and I like who I am. I need for there to be some semblance of order and structure and planning to feel at peace in my life, that is okay. What isn't okay is for me to miss out on what's happening because I'm too busy trying to plan the next thing, organize the now, or complete some task or schedule I have put on myself.
I'm going to stop (read: make an honest to goodness, sincere effort to stop) feeling like I have to blog about everything that happens. I like to blog. I like to look back and see where I've been, what I've done, who I've done it with. (not IT, you know what I mean!) But it's not fun for me to pull up the blog, note the date, and then get mad at myself because it's been a week, a month, or longer. I'm letting go of that. I'll blog when I blog and scrapbook when I scrapbook and stop making it a chore instead of a fun hobby.
I made this resolution at the beginning of this year: 8. Only buy, keep and do things that are beautiful, useful, or bring me joy.
With that, I'm also letting go of thinking that if I am within 150 miles of anyone I know I must see them. This is going to be a little tougher because it DOES bring me joy to see people. I like people. I'm accused of being friends with everyone, and I'm not even going to try to deny it. I like catching up with people and knowing what's up with them. But it can't be at the expense of my sanity. And some of this is me being worried someone will be hurt, but when I really think about it, I realize that I just want to see everyone and there aren't enough hours in the day and days in the weeks of vacations to do it. I'll just have to start making some choices and visiting who I can, when I realistically can.
and then maybe I'll have more time/inclination to blog about it! :)

Meet in the Middle

2010-05-08T13:13:00.002-05:00

So, I was going to post all about my 4 day weekend with my b/f/fs, but then I saw that one of them already did it!

I don't think I can improve upon her post, so go there, read all about it! :)

What I will add, is that I bawled for about 30 minutes driving home. It's not as though I'll never see them again, or even that I have to fly back across the ocean to another time zone not knowing when I'll see them. I'm a 10-12 hr drive (half if you meet in the middle!), a few hours by plane, and always in the same time zone now.

I was sad, though. Sad that they got to drive together and I had to go it alone. and sad that they were going back to my beloved Texas and I had to go to the Wheat State (eye roll).

But of the things I know for sure (borrowing from Oprah), I know that these two that I was a child with, a teenager, a young person, and now a close-to-middle-aged person with, will always be in my life. Always, always, always. So I dried it up and drove back to stupid Kansas.

Hobby Lobby...Trouble's Brewing...

2010-02-15T15:47:00.002-06:00

Well...I went to Hobby Lobby today. I walked slowly up and down the aisles. I touched a lot of things. I picked up some things, and I put a few things in my basket (and put a few in and then back out). By the time I left the store my eyes were burning. I have a habit of not blinking when I am shopping. I'm just so focused on trying to see it all and calculate sale prices, add it all up, add tax, etc. This trip was made especially complicated by the fact that I have "gone digital". I started digital scrapbooking about...hhmmm... gosh, it must be a year ago because my first pages were of the trip from Germany to Texas at the end of 2008. Before leaving Germany I unloaded a LOT of paper goods. It wasn't that much by the standards of many of my Stuttgart Scrapper friends, but it was a lot to me. Since I've been back in the states (Aug 2009) I just haven't been able to get in the groove except to do the monthly recipe cards. I really enjoy those and my 6x6 album is completely full (and overflowing). THAT was the reason for the Hobby Lobby trip. But once I was in there, I was just taken over. I had all the time in the world, and just meandered along considering and thinking and pondering and deciding.
What's the trouble, you say? I'm thinking I might go back to paper. And that sad little tiny bag I walked out with held a receipt announcing my budget-busting $48 purchase.
Whatever...it's cheaper than golf! ;-)

This n That

2010-02-14T19:00:00.002-06:00

Well, I'm still not sure what I've been doing that has kept me so busy, I think it's been a variety of things.

Work. I've been preparing families of another unit to send their soldiers downrange. Having just joined this unit four months ago I have been in a mad rush to get everyone's Family Information Sheets collected, entered into a database, and fine tuned the best we could. I've also recruited volunteers and arranged for their training and in many instances my own. My least favorite task has been dealing with a little bit of good old fashioned workplace drama. and just when I thinkn the worst of it has passed, a new issue arises and it starts again! UGH, makes me want to tear out my hair!
Then I get an email from the mother of a private thanking me for getting her connected to the website, and for making sure she and her husband had as much information as they could get regarding her son's upcoming deployment. Then another young soldier approaches me to nervously ask how he goes about getting his uh...um...he's having a baby in a few months...how does he get the mom connected to us and get her information about the unit downrange, etc? THIS is why I do this job and THIS is what I hold on to. Not that silly drama that doesn't involve me anyway. :)

Kitty Baby.
She is out of control. She loves to sleep on my chest and just purr and purr. When she's not doing that, though, she is running around like a crazy cat, attacking our ankles and jumping in any closet, pantry, freezer door open long enough. It's a constant battle to keep her off the counter, the table, the sink, the computer keyboard etc...

Home.
We are still in Kansas (I haven't been off the blog THAT long!) and have been here about 6 months now. That doesn't seem possible. Doesn't seem that long, really. We've learned a little bit about what we need/want as far as our housing situation goes, and while this house is fine until our lease is up in September, we will probably look for somewhere else to live over the summer. We were enjoying the snow for a little while, but I think we are both pretty over it now. It's just gotten to be a nuisance. I know that Spring is on the way, and I look forward to it!

Free time.
Well...we don't have a lot of this these days. I work late at least one night most weeks doing some kind of training or meeting, and Stephen works OVERNIGHT on duty at least once a month, usually twice. And of course now that he is in a regular unit, he's a platoon sergeant, so he is up at 4:45 every morning for formation and PT, and then home after me most days. I usually get home by about 6pm, having worked out at Curves after work as many days as I can get there. I really enjoy it and have seen some results (not a lot, but enough to keep me going!)
I did make time to run off to New York to a superbowl party with my fantasy football league. It was so great to see them, it's been FIVE years! Where DOES the time go?

I guess that's about it for now. I'll try to post more often and less lengthy posts!

I tried unsuccessfully to upload some photos. Will try again later...

Where Have I Been??

2010-01-30T15:58:00.001-06:00

I don't know. But I'll try to get back here soon!

Resolving

2010-01-06T16:57:00.001-06:00

I've read several blog posts, notes, and status updates to Facebook, and heard some conversations and comments, and have come to a conclusion. I'm making some resolutions. It's what I do. I list. I plan. I resolve. Most times something gives way and plans change, flex, or eventually go by the wayside completely. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't make a plan.
So, here goes:
1. Lose the Wedded Bliss/Living in Germany/Moving Back to America weight and be healthier.
2. Be flexible, but also firm with things that matter to me.
3. Tell people what I want instead of expecting them to read my mind and act accordingly.
4. Change my Facebook profile pic weekly, and always have someone beside me in it that I love.
5. Do #4 (and other little things) to keep me mindful of all the people in my life that I love and who love me.
6. Scrapbook
7. Work with husband on money matters.
8. Only buy, keep and do things that are beautiful, useful or bring me joy.
9. Accessorize
10. Laugh, Live, Love

That's all I've got for now, but I reserve the right to change, modify, add, delete, steal from lists of others. :)
Happy 2010!