Overheard

So, I'm sitting in my office today, and I overhear a conversation between a Specialist (SPC) and a Staff Sergeant (SSG). SPC has been in the Army 2 years. SSG 10. SPC has deployed once, SSG at least twice, I think maybe three times. They are comparing stories about their deployments and I hear SSG say, "my biggest mistake". I lean in. I hear SPC say, "ooooh, yeah. What did you get?"

Well, I wasn't going to strain my hearing and get a headache, so I got up and tiptoed to the doorway of my office. Yes, I know that's rude. It's straight up eavesdropping, not just overhearing.

Not the point.

SSG says, "magic jack."

This is MagicJack:

But here is what was creep-to-the-door-to-listen interesting. His "big mistake" was that with this little device, it was easy for him to constantly communicate with his spouse.

That sounds really wonderful. And I think like anything else, in moderation it IS wonderful.

But the problem, from what I could decipher, was that he was TOO accessible. His wife was calling him daily, and expected calls to be returned in a timely manner at very untimely times. She was calling at 2am his time. Or while he was in meetings or out on missions. If he didn't call back within what she felt was an appropriate turn around, she got upset and resentful and suspicious.

I think (not that I know it all, but I've been around a lot of spouses in the past few years) that not only is it detrimental to the Soldier's well being because he/she is trying to manage home and work 5,000 miles apart. It's very difficult to BE in two places at once and that's what he/she is trying to do keeping up this kind of contact.

But it isn't just the Soldier who suffers. I think the spouse is robbed of the opportunity to thrive in his/her spouse's absence. It's tough to be self sufficient and self reliant and resourceful when you are leaning on a daily call.

I'm glad we decided to have skype calls about once a week, and email contact every couple of days or so. I'm so grateful for the communication we have that the Soldiers before ours didn't. But new capabilities bring new problems.

Its a delicate balance, and I hope I'll be able to walk that line successfully.

Disclaimer: this was typed while anxiously awaiting that skype call! ;)