Sad Day

A little over 15 weeks into this deployment, I have come up with some routines and systems and am settling into the "regularness" of it. If I haven't seen Stephen online in a few days or gotten any of those Skype post it notes we exchange, I generally see his company executive officer (XO) on skype just about all the time. So I look to that as a secondary means of comfort. If I've seen neither, I tend to get a little nervous because when something happens downrange, a serious injury or fatality, they blackout all communications so that the appropriate family members are notified in an appropriate manner, not by rumors and hard truths spreading all through the interwebs.

So, last week I didn't hear from him or see anyone on Skype for several days. Turns out, they had no internet connection. He said he thought it might have had something to do with the tower they use getting struck by lightening. Well, that makes sense.

Only now, it's for real. I got a message from Heather (friend from high school whose family is at Ft Riley and whose husband Joe is also in Iraq right now) that Joe sent her a quick text before they lost connection. His brigade lost a Soldier yesterday.

When we lived in Germany there was a Soldier killed in Iraq and Stephen had to notify his family. It was terrible. It was hard for him. It was hard for me to see him go through that. But this is completely different. The "could have been"s will get you if you let them. He's not home with me. He's there, and now someone has been killed during his tour. Joe has to plan the memorial downrange.

I've been writing this post for over an hour. I can't find the words. I'm sad. Sad for the Soldier, for his family and for all of those lost before him and after him. I'm scared. Scared for Stephen and Joe and all those we know and don't still there and everywhere else in combat. I'm helpless. There is nothing I can do to get away from the fact that Stephen is there and will be for a while longer. What I am not is hopeless or without faith.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.