The Difference

I'm home early from work again, and I have tomorrow off. This sounds like a great start to the week. Ordinarily it would be, but of course this is the week that I have a lot to take care of at work and not a lot of time to do it. I did bring some work home, and will do what I can from here. But that's not the point.

The point is...it isn't snowing today. It will tonight and tomorrow, and that's why we're not working tomorrow. But today it is ice. Let me tell you about some ice. It's bad enough that I'm straining every muscle in my legs, feet and abdomen to stay upright and not bust my butt on the pavement. Then I get to scrape the windshield and side windows. The scraper comes with a claw end.

This is not my ice scraper, but see how one end has sharp points? Mine is like this. I didn't realize until this year, the last time we had ice, but even more so this time that you have to use that on the ice. You cut the ice with it, and then put the scraper side on it and it is only then possible to scrape it off. So, you try to get a decent foothold in the parking lot, but mostly you scrape/slide, scrape/slide all the way around the car until you can see well enough to get out on the road.

I thought I hated the snow. Turns out, I hate the ice more!

The Rest of the Story

This was posted to the 2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team Facebook page:

2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team 1st Infantry Division On Saturday, we lost one of our heroes. SPC Jose A. Torre, Jr., 21, of Garden Grove, California, died in Baghdad of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with a rocket-propelled grenade. He was assigned to C Company, STB. We are collectively mourning the loss of our fallen comrade and our hearts and deepest sympathies are with his Family, Friends, and fellow Soldiers during this difficult time.

Here is a story:

http://www.dvidshub.net/news/64433/fallen-dagger-brigade-soldier-remembered-generosity-dedication-fellow-soldiers

And to show you what a truly small Army it really is, my rear detachment company commander's husband, currently working in the rear detachment of 2HBCT, ID was given the task of flying to Iraq and escorting home this Soldier's remains. As solemn and sad as this sounds, it is also a great honor. CPT G (my CPT G) showed me pictures he (her husband, CPT G) sent and told me what he told her about how professional and how respectful the whole process is every step of the way.

It is beyond horrible to lose a Soldier, but the Army takes care of them. They are treated with the highest level of honor and respect because that is what they deserve, each and every one of them.

Sad Day

A little over 15 weeks into this deployment, I have come up with some routines and systems and am settling into the "regularness" of it. If I haven't seen Stephen online in a few days or gotten any of those Skype post it notes we exchange, I generally see his company executive officer (XO) on skype just about all the time. So I look to that as a secondary means of comfort. If I've seen neither, I tend to get a little nervous because when something happens downrange, a serious injury or fatality, they blackout all communications so that the appropriate family members are notified in an appropriate manner, not by rumors and hard truths spreading all through the interwebs.

So, last week I didn't hear from him or see anyone on Skype for several days. Turns out, they had no internet connection. He said he thought it might have had something to do with the tower they use getting struck by lightening. Well, that makes sense.

Only now, it's for real. I got a message from Heather (friend from high school whose family is at Ft Riley and whose husband Joe is also in Iraq right now) that Joe sent her a quick text before they lost connection. His brigade lost a Soldier yesterday.

When we lived in Germany there was a Soldier killed in Iraq and Stephen had to notify his family. It was terrible. It was hard for him. It was hard for me to see him go through that. But this is completely different. The "could have been"s will get you if you let them. He's not home with me. He's there, and now someone has been killed during his tour. Joe has to plan the memorial downrange.

I've been writing this post for over an hour. I can't find the words. I'm sad. Sad for the Soldier, for his family and for all of those lost before him and after him. I'm scared. Scared for Stephen and Joe and all those we know and don't still there and everywhere else in combat. I'm helpless. There is nothing I can do to get away from the fact that Stephen is there and will be for a while longer. What I am not is hopeless or without faith.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Photos...

So, I'm not really keeping up with the photos. I'm trying. But I'm sick of sunsets, sunrises, ice on the windshield and endless photos of the cat. I might try to play catch up, I might not. I said about 6 months ago that I wasn't going to force myself to do something that I didn't love. I don't love stressing about making sure I have a photo each day or finding filler ones. I'm torn though. I do love getting to the end of a task I've set out to do. We'll see, but it's not looking good.

Overheard

So, I'm sitting in my office today, and I overhear a conversation between a Specialist (SPC) and a Staff Sergeant (SSG). SPC has been in the Army 2 years. SSG 10. SPC has deployed once, SSG at least twice, I think maybe three times. They are comparing stories about their deployments and I hear SSG say, "my biggest mistake". I lean in. I hear SPC say, "ooooh, yeah. What did you get?"

Well, I wasn't going to strain my hearing and get a headache, so I got up and tiptoed to the doorway of my office. Yes, I know that's rude. It's straight up eavesdropping, not just overhearing.

Not the point.

SSG says, "magic jack."

This is MagicJack:

But here is what was creep-to-the-door-to-listen interesting. His "big mistake" was that with this little device, it was easy for him to constantly communicate with his spouse.

That sounds really wonderful. And I think like anything else, in moderation it IS wonderful.

But the problem, from what I could decipher, was that he was TOO accessible. His wife was calling him daily, and expected calls to be returned in a timely manner at very untimely times. She was calling at 2am his time. Or while he was in meetings or out on missions. If he didn't call back within what she felt was an appropriate turn around, she got upset and resentful and suspicious.

I think (not that I know it all, but I've been around a lot of spouses in the past few years) that not only is it detrimental to the Soldier's well being because he/she is trying to manage home and work 5,000 miles apart. It's very difficult to BE in two places at once and that's what he/she is trying to do keeping up this kind of contact.

But it isn't just the Soldier who suffers. I think the spouse is robbed of the opportunity to thrive in his/her spouse's absence. It's tough to be self sufficient and self reliant and resourceful when you are leaning on a daily call.

I'm glad we decided to have skype calls about once a week, and email contact every couple of days or so. I'm so grateful for the communication we have that the Soldiers before ours didn't. But new capabilities bring new problems.

Its a delicate balance, and I hope I'll be able to walk that line successfully.

Disclaimer: this was typed while anxiously awaiting that skype call! ;)

Happy 2011

wow. 2011. 1.1.11. I resolve to get through this year! :)

Kidding. I resolve a few other things, and in doing so, here is last year's list to compare:

So, here goes:
1. Lose the Wedded Bliss/Living in Germany/Moving Back to America weight and be healthier.

**Haven't exactly done this. Have worked on it, though!
2. Be flexible, but also firm with things that matter to me.

**I think I've pretty well done this. Maybe I should have been a little more firm with Stephen's superiors regarding the whole deployment thing.
3. Tell people what I want instead of expecting them to read my mind and act accordingly.

**Probably could work a little harder on this. My usual MO is to not say something TO a person about how I'd like something to be but to tell others how it isn't like I'd like. Not a good way to get what I want.
4. Change my Facebook profile pic weekly, and always have someone beside me in it that I love.
**I think I did this for a while. And mostly put pictures of me and Stephen, but then I got all sidetracked putting Jem of Jem and the Holograms and a bunch of just me and one of a painting. The more I think about it, this isn't a good resolution. Who cares? I'll just put whatever I put whenever I put it. This doesn't even make sense! I must have been just trying to come up with resolutions!

5. Do #4 (and other little things) to keep me mindful of all the people in my life that I love and who love me.

**Look, I even stretched it into TWO resolutions. Modifying this one to read simply: Be mindful and in touch with people I love and who love me.
6. Scrapbook

***yeah, yeah, yeah...still would like to do this. We'll see.
7. Work with husband on money matters.

**Totally did this! I'm doing all the household budgeting and bill paying now that he's out the country! And doing a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself. Go me! :)
8. Only buy, keep and do things that are beautiful, useful or bring me joy.

**Doing a pretty good job of this.
9. Accessorize

**CHECK!
10. Laugh, Live, Love
**Yes, as often and as passionately as I can!
That's all I've got for now, but I reserve the right to change, modify, add, delete, steal from lists of others. :)
Happy 2010!

SO, this year:

Lose weight, always with the lose weight! (and be healthy!)

Flexible but firm

SAY what I want

Love my loved ones

Scrapbook (?)

Be money wise

Accessorize and add lip gloss if not lip color!

Live, Laugh, Love!

AND fill this year with good things not wallowing in Stephen's absence. (This was my October resolution when he left)

Have a wonderful, prosperous, gentle, strong, hopeful and happy new year.