Please Stand By

I gave up the 30 day thing when I got to "a detailed account of your day" followed by a "detailed account of your week". Mostly because I don't care so I can't fathom that anyone else would.

What DO I care about? Check out that countdown! It's not exact, but it's damn close and it says right around a week until the end of a very long and sometimes difficult year.

So please stand by if you choose to do so. I don't know how long it will be before I post again. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Probably it won't be. Maybe it will be after we do some visiting with friends and family or we go to Las Vegas. I don't know. But I don't know why I wouldn't be back.

So we'll just see how it goes. :)

Day Twenty Four - Where I Live

Day Twenty Four - Where I Live

I don't think you are suppose to put out there on the internet where you live. Here's what I will say...There is no place like home, and I'm not there.

The saying in the Army is "Home is where the Army sends us." I'm not buying it. Home to me has always meant Texas. Since I've moved away from Texas, I've learned that home really is "where the heart is." Home is where my people are, where I can be me and where I feel at home. Where I live now will feel a lot more like home in a few weeks. And until we make it back to our REAL home, we'll make the best of where we live.

A Website--Day Twenty Two Revisited

Likely my most visited website other than facebook and hotmail is www.google.com.

Seriously, need to know who sang that one song whose 4 words you can recall? Easy, google it! Found a giant pale green moth, want to know what it is? Google it!

Actor in some movie? Google it!

It's just so easy. I have no idea what we did before Google. Encyclopedia Britannica?

Day Twenty Two - A Website

Day Twenty Two - A Website

HA! In my excitement to find a good YouTube video, I skipped right over Day 22 and "a website". I thought finding a video would be tough. This could take for.ev.er! I'll be back tomorrow with one or a few...

Day Twenty Three - A Youtube Video

Day Twenty Three - A YouTube Video

Well, THAT's a lot of leeway! Just any ol YouTube Video? hhhmmm....lemme see...

OK, so I just spent WAY too much time fooling around looking at videos. I settled on this one because:

1. I love ONJ

2. I love this song

3. This is from a concert I had on VHS and watched about 238,385,751 times. :)

and, you got lucky. I was *this* close to putting XANADU!

Day Twenty One - A Recipe

Day Twenty One - A Recipe

I'm not much for cooking, but it isn't as though I don't try. It just isn't something I love to do, and with my husband's limited palate, I don't venture out to try a lot of things. But this is something he asks for specifically. It's not a whole meal, but when I say we're having tacos, he specifically asks, "can you make the season? It's way better than the packet!" :)

Day Twenty - A Hobby Of Yours

Day Twenty - A Hobby

I kind of think Day Nineteen and Day Twenty are somewhat interchangeable. Fantasy Football (yesterday's post) is a talent as well as a hobby. My hobby is scrapbooking, now digitally, and I think it is a talent as well. Here is a layout of which I am particularly fond from our Hawaii vacation scrapbook.

I love the pointing and little hotel pictures and the panoramic scene across the tops of two pages.

Day Nineteen - A Talent of Yours

I got to be in the "studio audience" of the Time Warner show "Fantasy Huddle"! They came to tape the show at Ft Riley today! It was fun!

Coincidentally, I think playing Fantasy Football is a talent, and I think I'm pretty good at it. Good enough to win this little beauty over 13 guys, twice in 10 years! :)

Day Eighteen - My Wedding

Day Eighteen - My Wedding.

How funny. I just watched our wedding video the other day. Maybe it was in the back of my mind because I had read ahead the topics of this daily posting deal. I don't know, but I really enjoyed watching it. For most of the standing there together I am trying not to cry and managing to have alternating looks of mad and scared to death.

The terribly sad part is that shortly after the pastor announces Mr. and Mrs. Barthamel (completely mispronouncing my new last name), the dvd starts sticking. There is no video of the reception. I need to get some cleaner and see if I can remedy the issue. If not, I will take it to a specialist. I really want to see the whole thing!

And I really wish we could do this about every five years. I don't even have to be the bride. Just to have all of our friends and family gathered would be so so great. I miss our people.

This is one of my favorite photos of the day.

Day Seventeen - An Art Piece

Wow...lost a little steam there. Continuing on...

My all time favorite piece of art is The Kiss by Auguste Rodin. I use to have a small replica when I was in my...20s? I think I found it at a thrift store. Might have had it in high school, not sure. Anyway, I love it. and it had some kind of animal print felt on the bottom which made it even cooler.

Probably my favorite part of Paris was the Rodin Museum (Musée Rodin). I like a lot of his work, The Thinker and LaDanaide. Not so much the Gates of Hell. It's kind of creepy.

But most especially The Kiss. Yes, it is my favorite piece of art.

Not to be confused with The Kiss, a painting by Gustav Klimt. I don't care for this.

Day Sixteen - A Song That Makes You Cry (or nearly)

Day Sixteen - A Song That Makes Me Cry (or nearly)

There are a couple that have been tough for me at different times in my life. Here they are and why:

I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe - Because I first heard it shortly before my dear friend Stacey passed away and it was playing when I got in the car to leave her funeral.

How Great Thou Art hymn - because it was played at my dad's parent's funerals and once at a church retreat. I had never heard it played by anyone at my church and had not heard it since the funerals when all of a sudden there it was at the church retreat. I completely broke down crying and had to leave the worship meeting.

I'm Already There by Lonestar - I was fine with this song for a long time. But one of the radio stations here (Ft Riley) plays it with voice overs of kids and wives saying stuff about their Soldier dad or husband being gone. It's just sad.

Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw

Well, this is depressing. That's enough of the sad songs! Sad songs say so much. --Elton John

Day Fifteen - Your Dream House

Day Fifteen - My Dream House...

I have a couple, and they are very different. I love a country cottage type house with a wraparound porch. I course I'd like it if i

t would magically stay always swept clean and the yard and bushes and flowers would be country like and would magically stay trimmed and cut back and pristine.

The second one might look somewhat familiar. This is the first house with the assy husband from Sleeping with the Enemy. I love its location on the beach, its contemporary style and its modern feel. I would also need this one to be magically always polished and with no stacks of stuff everywhere. And no seagull poop dotting the many decks and railings.

Day Fourteen - a NonFiction Book

As I've mentioned, I prefer nonfiction 9 times out of 10. I've recently read:

Bossypants by Tina Fey (hilarious)

A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugar (her kidnapping and years spent in captivity-horrifying)

Secrets in the Cellar by John Glatt (about the Austrian man who kept his daughter in the cellar and fathered 7 children with her--also horrifying)

Stories I Only Tell My Friends by Rob Lowe (great, so far)

Stories is fantastic. I love it. It's ridiculous. And I have about a half a mind to launch an investigation into Rob Lowe's life to see if it is all really true. Seriously. Read it. After reading the horrifying ones, it is a nice getaway from those atrocities. At the same time, it really brings you to the hard realization that some people get amazing breaks (not that he didn't work hard or have his share of bad days) and ridiculous coincidences and chance meetings, while others live tragedies you could never imagine in a million years.

I'm not even a quarter of the way through the book, but I'm lovin' it so far. I bought it on the kindle. I suggest you buy the actual book. Because this would look nice on any bedside table. He's hot.

Day Thirteen - A Fictional Book

Well, hell. I was going to say The Poisonwood Bible, but I already put that for my favorite book. That's not cool asking so many book questions! (and a quick look ahead to tomorrow's topic informs me I'll be having to come up with YET ANOTHER title tomorrow!)

hhhmmmm...

As I mentioned when discussing literature the first time, there are several books on my "like" list, and I've been reading quite a bit this year. Not devouring books constantly, but at least reading one per month to discuss with the book club. Then, I take a look at the suggestions from Amazon based on my recent purchases and that usually yields another one or two I'm interested in, or I go off the recommendations of friends.

Here are some fictional books we've read:

Virgin of the Small Plains by Nancy Pickard

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford

The Room by Emma Donaghue

There are more, but I can't remember the titles. That's why this post was held back a day because I was going to look into it. But I'm not. I really enjoyed Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I would definitely recommend it to a friend. I'm recommending it to you! :)

Day Twelve - OCD

Day 12 - Something You Are OCD About

Uh...which thing? I'm not going to need to be on "OCD Project" or "Obsessed", reality shows about people with various obsessions and rituals. But there a couple things I am just a little bit Monica Geller about. I like to have things planned. I'm a little bit OCD about planning.

I also like to have things be tidy and symmetrical. As Monica says, "if it's not a right angle, it's a wrong angle!" Organized, I like things organized and labeled.

What I don't have that I wish I did was an OCD way about cleaning. I like for things to be clean, but I don't like to do the actual cleaning. There's just no fun in that!

Day Eleven - A Photo Of You Recently

Day Eleven - Me, recently.

I took this with the computer camera. I took a whole bunch of them as it was the day after the brigade ball and I REALLY liked my hair.

I also really like the light effect (some kind of soft focus super light thing) because it magically erases lines and wrinkles! :)

My one concern...I love this hair and if I go through with the plan to cut it, I won't be able to sport this style at Stephen's battalion ball in November!

Day Ten - A Photo Of You Taken Over 10 years Ago

When I first saw this I thought, "oh, a childhood photo." Turns out, I was already over 30 ten years ago! I don't care. I still like this picture and still plan to use it.

I found it in November after my Uncle Dale passed away when we were going through stacks of pictures at my Aunt Paulette's house.

This is so typical of my childhood summers. We are at the beach hanging out under the awning of my grandparents' little trailer. Good times.

Only one thing disturbs me about this photo. See those legs that go on forever? See how at 10 or 11 or however old I am here I already have a little hourglass waistline going? Yet I totally remember thinking I looked fat wearing this swimsuit.

What I wouldn't give now to have that much room on either side between me and the arms of the lawn chair.

Day Nine - A Photo You Took

I took this photo while trying to do that 365 day challenge. I got real tired of it real fast. My sis-in-law said this was a good photo. I tend to agree. :)

The second one I also took during that ill-fated project, and I think they sort of match. Same style. Restaurant, low light, relaxed feel.

Day Eight - A Photo That Makes You Angry/Sad

This is a tough one for me. Photos don't generally make me sad. Well, yeah, an image of a starving child or a seal being eaten by a shark (ala Shark Week!) or a sea bird covered in oil make make me angry or sad. But not photos I take.

Not ones of the husband I miss so much or of loved ones I've lost or people I miss. I choose to see those as pictures that make me happy because they give me a captured moment of happiness or good times. Even the one of him leaving on the bus makes me smile because he is smiling and we both have the "we can do this" face on.

A couple of months down the road I was sad, though, and I took a picture of it. So rather than a picture that makes me sad, here is one of me being sad. It was after hearing the much hated skype "end call" sound. I decided to crop all but the eyes. I don't know why. I just did.

Day Seven - A photo that makes you happy.

Rather than looking through photos to try to find THE ONE that made me happy, I just tried to think of one.

There were a lot of them that came to mind, I look at pictures a lot. I know what I've got, and it's hard to pick just one. And to be fair, most photos (well, at least ones that I am not complaining that I might look fat or have jacked up hair in) make me happy. I just love and always have loved pictures.

The minute I thought of this one, I went straight to it. It's not the only one that makes me happy.

But this one is special. It is one of the very best moments of the 14 months I had with this amazing young man as my son.

Day Six - Twenty of my Favorite Things

Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things – Believe it or not, this was kind of hard. I didn't want them to all be food! And I didn't want to name people or songs or movies or whatever. So I just thought of stuff I like. Here's what I came up with:

1. family

2. friends

3. country music

4. cake (buttercream icing! Not that whipped mess)

5. cheesecake

6. Texas

7. Flowers (Indian Blankets bluebonnets and Blue Hydrangeas. Not necessarily together)

8. jeans

9. pictures of feet (not gross ones, nice toes)

10. St Augustine grass

11. a pedicure

12. a massage

13. Polish Pottery

14. Skype

15. sunshine

16. girlfriend days

17. coffee from the Phillips 66 at ext 299 I-70

18. a kitty that fetches a bottlecap

19. a good hair day

20. redeployment!

These are a few of my favorite thiiiiiings!

Day Five - Your Favorite Quote

SO here we are, Day Five and the subject is my favorite quote. Well what's that suppose to mean? Am I suppose to get all philosophical and say something super thought provoking that I heard or read that someone said? hhhmmm.... I got nothin'. There are a couple things I have heard on my favorite TV show that have struck me as funny/true/deep. They are:

Scars remind us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we’re going. –Agent Rossi, Criminal Minds

Yeah, but you're not a man. Testosterone would follow a woman to Thailand. Bare foot. It’s just a fact. – Detective William LaMontagne Jr., Criminal Minds

And then there is one I saw not long ago that I really like:

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. – Helen Keller

There are a million movie quotes that I love but I'd be here all night listing those. So I shall quote a very good book: "Good night, stars, good night air, good night noises everywhere. – Goodnight Moon

Day Four - Your Favorite Book

Favorite Book. Hmmm, that's a tough one. I really liked To Kill a Mockingbird in high school. In the 90s I pretty much just read magazines, and I read a LOT of them. A few years ago I started on the In Death series by JD Robb (Nora Roberts alter ego). In recent months I've enjoyed the Help, Bossypants, and Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. OH, and let's not forget Sh*t My Dad Says! Seen the TV show? It is NOTHING compared to the book. Laugh outloud hilarious.

I'm a big fan of nonfiction and would normally choose a nonfiction over a fiction book. I like a good story. I like biographies and autobiographies like Bossypants, Garth Brooks's story, Rob Lowe's Stories I Only Tell My Friends (haven't read it yet, but it's on the Kindle); True Crime, like Fatal Vision (oh how I loved that book) and business stories like Starbucked, the Walmart Effect, Ben and Jerry's story, and foodcentric thrillers like Supersize Me, The Omnivore's Dilemma and Fast Food Nation.

I'm not really one for reading books over and over. But one book that is thicker than I'd usually read is one I've read more than once. It is the Poisonwood Bible, and I'll probably read it again.

Says Wikipedia:

The Poisonwood Bible (1998) by Barbara Kingsolver is a bestselling novel about a missionary family, the Prices, who in 1959 move from Georgia to the village of Kilanga in the Belgian Congo, close to the Kwilu River. (The nearest town, an impossibly long journey away, is Bulungu.) The Prices' story, which parallels their host country's tumultuous emergence into the post-colonial era, is narrated by the five women of the family: Orleanna, long-suffering wife of Baptist missionary Nathan Price, and their four daughters—Rachel, Leah, Adah, and Ruth May.

It is fantastic and I really really loved it. I know there are other books I have really enjoyed, but I would have to say that at first thought, this would be my favorite book.

Day Three - Favorite Television Program

I'm probably going to have to go with Criminal Minds on the favorite TV show question. I just love it. I DVR it constantly and can tell the minute it begins which episode it is. I record so many that if I'm sick of one there is usually another waiting. I also currently love The Office, Parks and Recreation, Law and Order SVU and Oprah Behind the Scenes. (and this week, Shark shows on the Discovery Channel.

When I was little it was the

Brady Bunch. I just love love loved that show! Same thing on the first minute of the show kn

owing the episode.

Growing up it was all those 80s family shows: The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Growing Pains. For a brief period (9th/10th grade) I loved Miami Vice. Pitiful. The 90s were Seinfeld and Friends and then began the Law and Order franchise. I started with the original, then moved on to SVU and Criminal Intent. CI was my favorite first, but when I tired of it I fell for SVU and it stuck..

While in Germany we watched what AFN had to offer: mostly reality shows.

While in the hospital in 2006 I watched, almost exclusively for over a week, what I called geriatric television. It was just nature scenes and slow music. Anything else was too stimulating for my fragile state!

I guess it very often depends on what is available. Thankfully, the invention of DVR has provided me with more options than is probably healthy! Gotta go, Criminal Minds is on! ;)

Day Two - Favorite Movie

Your favorite movie - Grease, of course.

I love the movie. I love the soundtrack. I loved it in German! I loved it at 8, 18, 28, 38, and I'm sure I will love it at 48. As horrible as it was, I even kind of loved Grease 2. That's a lotta love for one movie.

I think it probably seems a little silly. I like a lot of other movies that are more grown up/mature. The Shawshank Redemption, Runaway Jury, Steel Magnolias, all of which have come up on a recent Facebook challenge, but there is something special about Grease. I always wanted to be Olivia Newton John. I wrote a letter to John Travolta in 3rd grade. Got a postcard back in 6th grade. It's how I always hoped high school would be. It wasn't, but that's what movies are all about. Living a little bit in the not-so-real world. And being able to sing along!

Blog Challenge! - Day One

I found this answer to my blogging stall on my cousin Kristy's Blog! It's a challenge of 30 days of blogging topics. If you've known me for more than a minute, you know that it just might kill me not to do all 30 days at once, but I won't! Here is day one:

Your Favorite Song - Drift Away by Dobie Gray

This is probably the very first song I remember. A quick google/wikipedia search told me that he recorded it in 1973, so I was just a toddler when my parents were listening to it. I've always loved it. The words, the tune, the beat. Gimme the beat boys, and free my soul. I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away...

From the very first note I know. That's my song!! Uncle Kracker recorded it in 2003 and I actually love that version, too. And it made me so happy that it got a lot of radio time when it came out again!

When I was just out of high school, I would hear this song and for whatever reason, I could NEVER remember who sang it. In my sometimes tipsy state of mind I would find it completely appropriate to call my dad and ask. This probably only happened once, but it seems like several times because it is so ridiculous.

"Dad, you know that song about floating down the river?"

"uh...what?"

"you know, that we always use to listen to when we were little?"

"River? You mean drift away?"

"Yeah, that's it!!"

The conversation ended with dad making sure I was safe. "you are home, then? in for the night?" :)

Over a Month

so...it's been over a month since I posted. I guess I'm just not in the blogging mood lately. Sorry! I like to blog when I'm into it. For whatever reason, I'm just not into it lately. Maybe I'll be back soon. I hope so.

You Know It's Been Too Long...

You Know It's Been Too Long...since you've posted to the blog when:

--You check your friend's blogs and one hasn't posted in a week but I don't remember reading the last post and I get them via email, one has posted twice this week, and the other has closed down a blog and started another. When I'm not posting I'm usually not reading and I miss stuff!

--You yourself have not posted in over 3 weeks.

--You go to sign in and have to try 2 passwords before you gain access.

--You review your last couple of posts and realize they are 1. a repost of something you promised to post a month ago, 2. a dream ... kind of cheating since those are plentiful around here.

So, all that to say, it's probably time to post again. I guess this will have to suffice until I come up with something to say.

Why Am I Not Rejoicing?

Here is the post I linked to May 2nd by www.thearmywifedude.blogspot.com

bin Laden is dead, why am I not rejoicing? 
Nearly all of America and the world should know by know one of the most
elusive and despicable of all tyrants has been killed. I am very glad to
know "we got our man". There is a job well done to be said to the troops who
took him out. I am extremely happy that those effected by 9/11 can begin to
have some closure. Justice has been served for all those who
directly/indirectly have been effected by the terrorist activities Osama bin
Laden has plagued our world with over the last two decades.

The men and women who have been fighting for a better world who have given
it all, and in some cases only gave some as they have gone through wounds of
the heart, mind and body yet still came out alive did not give in vain. Not
just our American soldiers either, but all those who have partnered with us.


For me 9/11 was the single most impactful day of my life. People say "never
forget" regarding that day but it too often was not on the forefront of the
average person's mind. I was reminded on an extremely regular basis to never
forget. ANY TIME I looked at the clock and it said the time was 9:11 I was
brought back to that place a decade earlier. It seemed as if it was a common
occurrence to find myself seeing those digits displayed. Even when I would
see a police car I would see the phone number and remember the events of
that tragic day. 

As news spread regarding bin Laden's death I found myself in an unusual spot
in comparison to the majority of Americans. As I watched celebrations and
people rejoicing in the death of this tyrant I became agitated. I am of
course glad this chapter in this war is over, but this book is not finished
and I believe that is what scares me the most. 

My wife is right now in a remote spot somewhere in Afghanistan and I can
only wonder what kind of repercussions will come from us accomplishing what
we set out to do nearly 10 years ago. As I see people becoming elated I
can't help but to think how this may stir the pot of the Taliban fighters
who now more than ever will want vengeance. People exclaiming pure joy at
the death of a leader regardless of how disgusting he was will only
infuriate the insurgents more. I would compare it to the likings of crushing
a hornets nest. I am led to believe that there will be a very strong
retaliation coming and there are still men and women, including my wife, who
are in harms way even though bin Laden's reign has ended. 

Someone said to me in one of my facebook updates as I was saying this same
thing, "sometimes you kill one tyrant and 3 more pop up". 

I do believe this is a monumental day for not only America, but for the
entire world. I would assume with the death of bin Laden many of his
followers will lay down their arms feeling a sense of relief to be free from
the bondage he kept them in. Yet many will continue to plot against our men
and women who are serving as well as against our nation. 

I can not rejoice in this moment. I am thankful for the end of tyranny led
by this man, but this war is not over. Now more than we have in recent years
we need to be prayerful for our service members as well as our nation in
general. 

So why am I not rejoicing in this moment? My wife is still there. My friends
spouse's are still there. My friends are still there. My friends children
are still there. My fellow countrymen are still there. Still there preparing
for the next days activities. Still there under fire from a really pissed
off enemy.

Shortly before news broke that the President would be addressing the nation
I was walking on my treadmill. During that time God spoke into my heart
something I do not dare repeat. But I do believe the words He spoke prepared
me to not be filled with jubilation and joy for the death of this wickedly
cruel man. 

America I understand you feelings of victory but I beg of you to remember a
man who has many followers has been killed. We must be humble in our
victory. We have to understand for every action there is a reaction. This
may come quickly and be minimal, or it can be slow, methodical, calculated
and of great magnitude. 

We need to be thoughtful of our actions and more importantly prayerful for
our service members and their families. I am sensing from my facebook status
updates that the people who are most thoughtful regarding how this could be,
as bad as it is good, are those of us directly effected by what can happen
next. 

I ask you to keep in mind these scripture verses for those of you who call
yourself Christian:

It's as much for me as someone else: "Do you think that I like to see wicked
people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not!" (Ezekiel 18:23)

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad
when he stumbles." (Proverbs 24:17)

With all of that said, this is one of the proudest moments in my life as an
American. My prayers go out to all those who have given all or some over the
years this war has dragged on. I am eternally indebted to anyone who has
worn the uniform in the last decade and the family members who stood by
them. 

On this day, May 1, 2011 I am without a doubt proud to be an American. I can
only hope this will mean my wife may come home a little bit sooner. 


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An Old Dream Post

When it all comes together in a dream.

I don't think I'm under an extreme amount of stress right now. I mean, yes, my husband is in a war zone, and yes there are always some issues at work. But maybe my subconscious is a little more stressed than I realized. Or maybe not. I don't know what the deal is with dreams, but I woke up knowing just what's been on my mind. 

In my dream, I was trying to find my way around the high school campus. I don't know why the high school specifically, but I often dream I am lost there. I think whenever I am feeling a little lost in my life I remember how big our high school campus was and how intimidating it was at first. I wonder, too if this isn't where my crappy sense of direction began. But that's another issue all together.

In trying to find my way, I was looking for the ID card office (of post). I guess it was post and the campus. (?) Anyway, since Osama bin Laden was killed, people have been saying that with the heightened security level on post that we will need to show two forms of ID at the gate. I've still only ever been asked for one, but I've also heard that the rule would be after 8pm when I don't come on post. I generally leave my ID in the car (not in plain sight) so that I'm not digging around in my purse as I come on post every day, and now I'm all discombobulated because if I have to get another form of ID out then I will have to dig through the purse!

So, I'm trying to find the office when the program manager of the FRSAs (not my boss per se, but someone who is kind of over me in that she coordinates the Family Readiness programs) and she is trying to get a meeting together. I have to explain to her that I'm the only FRSA still in my unit. One moved almost a year ago and has not been replaced (true), one is out sick indefinitely (true), one has been fired for causing drama (the drama is true but not the firing), one is out trying to decide what to do about her marriage (true, this has happened twice, for a week or two at a time) and one lives far away and it's raining (true). Maybe I'm scared it's all about
to fall in on me?!

Work drama in my dreams is also a fear of the unknown. All of our commanders will change in June. This means everyone's boss, and I not only deal with my boss, but some of the other bosses as well because I am at the brigade and they are in the battalions that are part of the brigade. Also I deal with all the others because of the above reasons. (not so much the rain one)

Also, in my wandering around I spotted some monkeys in a tree and everyone was making a HUGE deal out of it yelling, "but we don't HAVE those here!" I'm scrapping the Hawaii trip and the last thing I looked at before going to bed was a wildlife page I want to do, but I can't use any of the wildlife paper I have because there are animals depicted on it that do not exist in Hawaii. Monkeys being one of them.

Lastly, I was almost constantly eating and coming across couples who were making out. I think this is because I'm trying to lose weight in real life and in the dream I would get half way through a hamburger and then realize --oops! I wasn't going to be eating stuff like this!! And since there's no making out going on for the next 5 months, I'm essentially on a diet from that, too!

I wrote this (at work) May 9th and emailed it to myself to put on the blog. I guess I forgot.  Haven't had any weird dreams, or rather I haven't written any down since!

When I Grow Up

I don't want to be an astronaut, or a ballerina, a gymnast or NFL star. I don't want to be a mathematician or accountant. I don't even like math. Or people who like math. I still kind of want to be Olivia Newton-John, but I
think I might be setting my sights on something a little more... me.

You know how when you have your whole life ahead of you the possibilities seem endless? You want to be several things, and they are nowhere near related. A friend's 16 year old recently mentioned she wanted to be a dancer. Or
an architect. Or a marine biologist. Endless possibilities. Once you hit, say, 40(ish), you have moved to the shallow end of the possibility pool. 

Time passed has pushed you out of any field that requires years of physical training or a youthful endurance(Olympic skier) any field that has an age limit (a military career) and anything you have figured out you don't have an interest in. That would be anything math related for me. You also have to consider your location and life circumstances. If you live in Kansas, you probably aren't going to pursue oceanography. If you are a busy mom, you might not choose a career
that demands a 60-70 hour work week. I said might not, I know some do. 

So what is left? Looking at things you've always had some interest in is a good place to start. I, for instance, have always been interested in writing. And in planning. I likely (Lord willing) have a minimum of 25 years left in the workplace. That doesn't just seem like a long time. It is a long time. I just did the math. I didn't enjoy it. The sum, or difference, or product, or quotient...I don't even have the math terminology. The answer (but, I'm good with the words) is that I am halfway through my working life. This means I have just as long to work as I have already worked. 

From age 16-41 I earned a living in fast food, childcare, retail, banking, and clerical fields, with increasing time spent in each as the years progressed. Age 41-65 remains to be seen, but I'm thinking about my options, and there are still quite a few possibilities, even in the shallow end.

Sour Note

wow. I guess I haven't been here in a while. I hate to return on a sour note, but I'm going to.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate the military? Well I do. I hate the lifestyle. I hate that I don't get to live where I've always lived and where I want to live and where no one wears a jacket at the end of May. But I'm not mad about the weather today. I'm mad about the moving.

Today we had a farewell get together. I'd say luncheon, but it was at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Of course we had enough food to call it a luncheon, but that's not the point. The point is that a really great lady (L) that I started out respecting and admiring and ended up respecting, admiring, being great friends with, sharing laughs and more than a few drinks with, and looking to for support in several of life's difficult situations is leaving. Her husband will be permanently changing stations (PCSing) to Virgina next month. I'll see her between now and then, and it was a great time of food and fun and friends, but I left feeling really sad.

Not only will today's guest of honor leave in a month, two of the other guests are PCSing next week. I realized just as the afternoon was coming to a close that I won't see either of them again. This was their last event. I said a tearful goodbye to each of them, bitterness rising in my throat.

I guess this is the definition of bittersweet. I never would have met these fantastic ladies were it not for the military and how it moves people in and out of one another's lives. But I wouldn't have to have that terrible sense of loss each summer (PCS season) when so many move to their next duty station. In addition to these three, there are four others from our close circle leaving in July or August. I'm so grateful that there are five who will remain, and we will invite newcomers in and make a new close circle.

I guess I'm just someone who when I like how things are going, I'd like them to stay that way. Of course, if that were always the case, I guess I'd still be living in Pflugerville, Texas...instead of married to my Soldier husband and living this crazy, wonderful, super crappy, up, down and moving around military life.

The Next Phase

20 weeks. May to October. Its really just around the corner.

Some say the second half of the deployment is harder. Others disagree. And then there are those who ride the fence saying that it all depends on when you take your R&R leave. But even then, I have talked to people who say earlier is better, some say it depends on the season, some wait until the last possible second so there are just a few weeks left before the Soldier's return.

Much like beauty and its beholder, surviving is in the eye of the survivor. Why does that make me want to sing Eye of the Tiger?! Or I will survive? Anyway, I am off track (spoken in GPS lady tone of voice).

We have 20 weeks left, and I think we're going to make it. I do think the season matters. It's summer! No more scraping windshields, no more trudging through snow, no more excessive layering and coat wearing. It's just freer, more comfortable, happier.

PLUS, I have a lot of Hawaii photos to scrapbook and that should keep me occupied.

Therapy?

Well, I am back to work, vacation's over. No more paradise. And there was a bit of a scene at the office today. What kind of a scene, you ask? There was a F**KING MOUSE in my office!!! (edited in an effort to not seem like a potty mouth)

I went in, set my stuff down, moved something from my back credenza, and SAW him scurry out. It seemed like it was almost in slow motion. You know, like when something supertramatic happens to a person and their brain slows it down for them so that they can process it without going into shock?

Yes, that's a real thing! I read about it on the internet:

Put simply, danger signals put the body on alert; there are many biochemical changes happening very rapidly, many brought about by the hormone Adrenaline – there is a simple, immediate assessment of the level of danger – should we run away (flight) or face up to it (fight)? In these situations there is often an altered sense of time – it seems to slow down, probably because the responses of the reptilian brain are much quicker that our normal state of consciousness, and our metabolism is speeded up.

Of course I freaked.

I ran down to the staff duty office, and when I could find my voice again I told them about it. They hemmed and hawed one telling the other to go out and look for it. Finally one of them went down the hall with a broom. Planning to sweep him to death, I guess.

He couldn't find it. I went down the hall to get some coffee, you know, because I'm not already all spun up and need some caffeine. Actually I just thought if I did something, like make a pot of coffee, for instance, I could calm down a bit.

On the way back I saw the SOB running back in there! That's when things got ugly. I had the biggest freakout I've ever had. I shrieked there it is! And commenced hyperventilating, sweating and crying. I had to go outside and get some air. I almost threw up. Some of my friends, co-workers, and supervisors saw me in this state and were very concerned that "something bad happened." Uh, I'd say this qualifies as something pretty darn bad! One person (hi MG!) thought someone had died! Yes, I was really that upset.

The Soldiers chased it out of my office and into the break room RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL, and it has not been seen since. So I spent the rest of the day staring at the hallway while typing, answering the phone, etc to be sure it wasn't trying to come back in. Of course I'm one step ahead. I put a rolled up banner in front of the doorway.

Yes, as I explained to everyone who passed the office, I am aware that it could scurry over the barrier, but I would have extra time to throw things and scream. Each time I had to leave to go to a meeting or the bathroom or anything, I had to have someone go in and cause a ruckus in my office to be sure it wasn't in there.

Some people kind of laughed and poked fun throughout the day. It didn't hurt my feelings or upset me at all. I realize that this is an irrational fear. I realize that my behavior is irrational. I just can't get past it and it keeps getting worse.

Do you think I need some kind of therapy?

New Background

I just thought it was about time. :)

The Real Rest of the Story

Okay, sorry I ended that last one kind of abruptly, but it was dragging on too long and I was getting frustrated. So...where was I? Oh yeah, April 27, having a lung collapse from hiking up Diamond Head.

So, here's what you should know about it:

Had a cup of coffee instead of water before starting out. Bad idea. (as if some water might have suddenly made me a world class hiker)

I'm not going to cut and past a bunch of stuff from the internet. But I am going to say that it's .8 mile uphill the whole way, mostly on rocky trail and then 4 sets of stairs and two tunnels mixed in for good measure (stairs are 74, 99, 3 story spiral and 54 steps!) Go ahead, read all about it.

http://www.lavasurfer.com/info/hikediamondhead.html

If you don't want to read all about it, at least go look at the photos. No. I walked up the damn thing, I'm not pasting the pictures here for you.

SO, it really was cool. Once I recovered from the shaky leg and lack of breath (and embarrassment because grandmas were doing it and one guy did it twice--RUNNING while we were there) it was beautiful. And windy and cool. We took some pictures and enjoyed the view all the way around and then headed back down. I wondered if anyone ever fell down the 99 steps.

What did we do after that? Well the breakfast buffet at the hotel, of course! :) and then a little later we strolled through the Army museum that is right next to the hotel and is just small enough to be interesting without getting boring to me. The helicopter exhibit was closed, but the rest was cool. Dinner at the Yard House for a second time. Very good.

April 28 - Last full day. We slept in, but not too late. Had breakfast at the famous Eggs N Things. Where I had pancakes but Stephen had eggs and things (potatoes and Portuguese sausage). After breakfast we strolled through the mall (the one with Maui Tacos, but we didn't eat there since we had just eaten!) and through town back to the hotel. We went down to the pool for a while and had a snack from Happy's Snack Bar at the hotel on the way back to the room. Nachos and a hot dog. We're on vacation! Then we decided we hadn't had quite enough mexican food, so we hit Cha Cha Cha's again! We walked back to the hotel, caught the last sunset of our trip and headed for the room to watch Michael Scott's last episode of The Office, our show. Friday we got up late, went to breakfast at the Wailana coffee house/cocktail bar (second visit), finished packing and checked out of the hotel.

I won't bore you with the details of the goodbyeing at the Dallas airport. It suffices to say it was tearful and on the skylink tram between my gate and his. We were so so happy to be able to be on the same flight on the way there AND back. It wasn't as bad as I had feared, I think because Stephen was very upbeat and positive and reminded me that we only have about 20 weeks left.

I guess I better get scrappin those 958 photos! That's an estimate, but not necessarily an exaggeration!

And the Rest of the Story...

I stopped with the Hawaii commentary when we still had a week left. Here's that week:

evening of 4/21-found somewhere to eat. And the winner was...Cha Cha Cha! That's right,

Mexican food twice in one day! :) and ohhhh, the pineapple salsa. and ooohhh, the mango margarita. So So good.

April 22-Circle Tour! from 7:30a-5pm we rode around the island, stopping at all kinds of interesting little places and hearing (usually more than once, Barbara was a repeater!) all about the details of it. LOTS of tidbits about the tv shows Lost and Magnum PI and Hawaii Five O. ALWAYS followed Hawaii 5-0 with "book 'em Danno". But she was funny.

Turns out...it's better for blogging if I do these vacation journals when I get home. Then I can add all kinds of details I find on the internet or copy out of the brochures I have brought home...

Tour Description:
Spend a day on this 120-mile complete circle island tour that truly shows the real Hawaii people come to see.
Expertly narrated, this tour includes a stop at the 1,800-acre historic Waimea Valley. Enjoy its lush gardens, Hawaiian cultural sights and tranquil beauty. A truly unforgettable experience!--HB note: "Enjoy its lush gardens"=hike it's hot and humid rainforest. Just so you know.
This tour stops at the following places:
Diamond Head Slopes
Hanauma Bay
Halona "From Here to Eternity" Beach
Nu'uanu Pali Lookout
Byodo-In Temple **omb, this was so so pretty! (omb=oh my buddha!)
Windward Coast (lunch stop)*at Crouching Lion restaurant named for the rock formation at the top of the mountain behind it*
Waimea Valley - Admission & personalized guided 1.5-mile walking tour included
Dole Plantation
This tour drives through the following places:
Kahala (Beverly Hills in Hawaii)*where Barbara pointed out EVERY SINGLE DECORATIVE GATE! "Dolphin gate coming up on the left followed by a crane gate!"
Rain Forests, Ko'olau Mountains, Pineapple and agriculture fields
The above lists are the "basic minimum" stops and drive-throughs that our tour guides do for this tour. Your tour guide will most likely add more stops depending on his/her narrative and if there are interesting scenes along the way, such as turtles and/or seals. *or Obama's childhood apartment!*

Ok, on with the commentary....after the Circle Tour, we watched the fireworks from our lanai and drank a couple of beers then I think we ate at one of the restaurants at the hotel. ? not sure. Probably because it wasn't great.

April 23- Busy morning! Got the rental car, then some coffee, then went on a Submarine ride! It was really cool AND we saw some turtles! After the submarine, much less expensive and almost as exciting...lunch at Jack in the Box! YAYE JnB! :) Then things sort of went downhill for Stephen. He so sweetly escorted me to the swap meet. This is a flea market that wraps around the Aloha Stadium! It's HUGE and essentially the same crap booth after booth. We didn't stay too long, maybe saw a fourth of it. But it was pretty hot and like I said...same stuff repeated repeatedly. We DID get our Hawaii Christmas ornament there, though, and I do so love it. Following the swap meet, we went by the PX and got some snorkel gear for the following day, and rested/relaxed for a few hours, caught the sunset, and then had dinner at Los Chaparros. YES, mexican food again, what of it?
April 24 - up early and driving to the North Shore for...SWIMMING WITH THE SHARKS! So SO COOL! The only downside was that it was a little bit rough and we got jostled around in the steel cage quite a bit. I didn't care, though, it was way awesome to have 8-10 (I want to say 10-12 but I don't want to exaggerate) sharks swimming just feet from me. After the swimming, breakfast at McDonald's, then driving around the North Shore and down the winward side of the island. That's what they call it. It's the east side. I don't know why they don't just say east side. Then we're driving along and I see the shrimp ponds! We had seen them on the Circle Tour (with repeating Barbara) and Stephen remembered which one she said was best so we stopped in. I wasn't hungry but wanted to try it. The man let me buy just 6 shrimp, not 12 and no rice with it. Garlic butter fresh shrimp. mmmmmm! We were looking for a place to snorkel. So we stopped a couple places, and at one (we didn't snorkel there) a big ol turtle had come up on shore! He was so so cute, and the beach patrol people were keeping a rope around him about 5 feet out so that the people couldn't get too close. After we hung out with him a while we moved on, found a beach, tried to snorkel but it was pretty windy and rough so we eventually gave up and headed back to the hotel. We showered and R&R'd a bit before heading out to dinner. We had a reservation! d.k steakhouse to celebrate our 5 year anniversary! It's actually June 24, not April 24, but he won't be home so we made it early. It was delicious!

April 25 - Kualoa Ranch Full Day Adventure Tour! ATV riding, Jungle Expedition and Secret Beach. OK...the ATV was like a parade. We were just going in a single file line and no "off roading" type stuff. A bit disappointing. Jungle Expedition was a little bit cooler, riding in a humvee through the jungle. I wish we'd have been on the ATVs on THAT trail! Then lunch, which was fair, but then the Secret Beach, which I loved! We were carried on a little pond boat to this beach. No one else was there. It was just us (and a couple guides that left us alone for the most part) for an hour and a half then another couple came there for the last hour or so. We kayaked and tried to stand up paddle. Stephen did better than I did, but I got up at least! Then we snorkeled and then I laid in the sun and he snorkeled some more. Then he laid in the sun with me for a little bit and then we walked on the beach and then it was time to leave. Of course then I was spoiled and all other beaches were "too crowded!"

After the Ranch tour, we had Maui Tacos for dinner and some Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream for dessert!

April 26 - 2 hour kayak tour, followed by lunch at Bob's pizza (goood!) and then out snorkeling on our own. We went to beautiful Lanikai beach to snorkel/lay on the beach for a couple hours and then tried to get the water cameras developed. Sadly one had gotten water in it, so they refused to even try as the "salt water would contaminate the chemicals." I'm going to try elsewhere.

Back to the hotel and then I have no idea what was for dinner. Oh wait...maybe this was "big ketchup!" Yes, I think it was. I think we ate at Koko's at the hotel. I had joked with Stephen a couple of times that there must be a shortage of ketchup on the island because he ordered something with fries and they brought like a tablespoon dollop of it to the table. When my burger and fries came to the table, along with it came two small metal cups with dollops of mayonnaise and mustard. Next to the small cups, there was a giant, like a one cup measuring cup FULL OF KETCHUP! We both looked at each other all big-eyed and as soon as the waitress walked away we died laughing. Seriously? Who needs a CUP of ketchup? This was Stephen's favorite part of the vacation. I can't believe we paid for all those tours when all it took was a vat of ketchup!

April 27 - I must really love that man. I hiked up Diamond Head because he wanted to. Oh, I pretended to also be excited about all those steps and uphill trail walking, but ugh. I'm real tired, have something in my eye and a cat asleep on my lap, so I'll write more about Diamond Head and the last couple days tomorrow.

Why Am I Not Rejoicing

Better words than I could find--
This is a blogpost by a friend and fellow military spouse.

shoot! I can't get it to copy/paste. His blog address is:
www.thearmywifedude.blogspot.com

I will post the body of the post later. I hope you will go there and read it. thanks!

April 19-21

More journaling from the R&R trip.

April 19-We slept in and then thought we'd walk down the street and check out the IHOP for breakfast. BIG MISTAKE. Horrible service, and Stephen got some chicken fried steak and eggs...for $16.99! My 2x2x2 breakfast of eggs, bacon and pancakes was also ridiculously overpriced, but we had a 15% off coupon, so we lived and learned.

At 1pm we went on a private tour: Natural Highlights of Oahu Adventure! It was private because no one else booked it. So Dante drove us around to see the different sites. it was fantastic! He is very very knowledgeable and personable. He dropped us back at the hotel at 6pm and we went on to the Warrior Lounge for appetizers, drinks and a very funny comedy show!

April 20-PARASAILING! at 9am. We had a fantastic time, and other parasailers were a mother and son from Australia, a dating couple from Canada and a family of 4 kids and mom from Columbia. Everyone had a great time. I think we had the BEST time! :) The boat guys were great, the shuttle driver was hugely annoying.

After we got back, we changed clothes and walked down the street about a mile to the Ala Moana Mall, had Ruby Tuesdays for lunch and walked around the mall a while. Back at the hotel we went to a dinner buffet and really cool magic show!

April 21-Beginning at 8am, another hike through the rainforest. It was a tour with a different company than the last rainforest hike, but the same company Dante works for. Our tour guide this time was Greg. The hike was even in the same area that we went to with the Hike, Bike, Snorkel but with a different guide and different trails it was a different experience and we were glad we did it. After the tour we went to the Maui Tacos at the Pa'ina Lanai on the 2nd floor at the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center just down the street from the hotel. That's right, in a food court at a shopping center. Best and Least Expensive food we've had yet! We'll be going back. We still have a week! :)

After lunch we returned to the hotel to veg out in the room awhile. Now...to find something for dinner...

Apr 17-18

We walked down the street to the Arts Festival Sunday, April 17, and on the way ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It was a fun little place. And walking along the beach we noticed that the section of beach less than a mile from our hotel is pretty crowded, whereas ours remains nicely underpopulated.

The festival was pretty small, but we enjoyed looking at all the jewelry and paintings. On the way back we had a snack at Yogurtland and then chilled out at the hotel and did a little laundry for the afternoon. That evening we went out to eat at Yard House. It was FANTASTIC. I had the mahi-mahi, and it was the best piece of fish I've eaten in my life. Stephen had the enchilada stack. He said it was good, too! On the way we heard a bit of music from a band playing on the street.

Monday we spent the day with about 12 really nice elderly people and one very obnoxious family on the Home of the Brave tour. It was a look at Pearl Harbor and the Pearl Harbor Historical Site (museum, short film, etc), and the USS Arizona Memorial, a visit to Wheeler Air Field, Schofield Army Baracks, Fort Shafter, Punchbowl National Memorial, and the Home of the Brave Museum. As well as lots of anecdotal and factual information about the attach on Pearl Harbor. I really learned a lot and enjoyed this tour. We may go back to tour the USS Missouri.

Monday night was the Hale Koa Hotel Luau! It was a lot of fun, and the show was neat. The food...not so much. Stephen, of course, was not interested in trying anything that was weird. Like the seaweed that was VERY GOOD! but neither of us really liked most of it. Poi is gross, I'm not interested in raw salmon masquerading as a salsa like dish, and the star dish, the pulled pork from the pig we saw them raise up out of the pit with leaves it was cooked in was just kind of...weird. It tasted good, but I wasn't loving the texture. I WAS loving the show! An 11 yr old kid twirled fire, the "chief" was really funny and the dancing girls and guys were really good! I got some video that may be posted at a later date.

ok...time to get some brunch and get ready for the #4 "Natural Highlights of Oahu" tour! Then the comedy show tonight. :)

Highlights of the first days...

4.13-same flight! He got to Dallas first, took a shower at the Admirals club and had a sign for me!

Got to hotel, checked in, had dinner at Tropics. We have THE BEST room.

4.14-up at 0725; Aloha briefing, met a "celebrity", got some tour and activities info. Hung out on lanai (patio) and in room 0930-1130 then to lunch @ Koko cafe in hotel; walk around Waikiki 1p-3p (beach, shopping, farmers market); back to room to plan activities, watch tv, room service for dinner.

4.15-up at 0530 breakfast at Wailana coffee house/cocktail bar; shopped vendors in lobby; booked rest of tours and activities. 1030-to the beach; 1230 to the pool; lunch (SB Happys Snack shack, HB fruit from farmers market); 3:30p started raining, realized sunburns-semi regretted making fun of others who had weird sunburns from uneven sunscreen application as we are now those people); back to the room until 5pm, then walked around Waikiki again and found Giovannis for dinner ziti, pizza and a pitcher of beer. Back to room by 630p, asleep at 730p, awakened by fireworks, woke up to watch and then back to sleep.

4.16-Bike, Snorkel and Swim Adventure! Bike was just coasting down a long hill. SB a bit letdown by lack of adventure there. Going out to snorkel, saw a whale and her baby!! and then saw some sea turtles in the water. Up so close I could hear him breathe when he was up for air! Hike through rainforest was muddy, humid, and mosquito filled, but really beautiful and fun and interesting! 2 out of 3 ain't bad! and we met some friends of my boss and his wife on the tour! crazy small Army world!

4.17-up at 3am, then 6am - coffee, watching golf, dumping photos, relaxing. Plan to walk down to the arts festival in a bit...

YES!

Long story later, but...

SAME FLIGHT, both ways!

:) Thank you Jesus.

I love this man.

What's in a Day?

I'm freaking out.

I just got a skype message from Stephen:

UPDATE: There is a possibility that I might be going straight to Kuwait with no layover. That would possibly mean that I would be in the US on the morning of the 12th, not the 13th. We can talk about it tonight. --noon KS time

That's 3 hours for me to look at flights, look up my hair/tan/eyelash/nail salon and see about moving some appointments, and repeatedly count days, ponder the possibilities, and just generally freak out a little bit until we get to actually talk.

What's to freak out about? So what if he gets there on the 12th, I'll be there the 13th! Is it really worth the time, energy and expense to move or cancel hair/tan/eyelash appts to the previous day (my esthetician is off Mondays, so that's going to cause a big ol issue) and then try to change my flight? I can't check into any of this because everyone is closed Sunday.

My rational side says, "just leave it alone." My heart says, "get there! Don't miss ONE SECOND with him!" If we only get 14 days out of the year, I hate to miss one. Maybe he will want to sleep a while when he lands from the half way around the world travel. I'm going to wait very impatiently for him to return to his room and tell me what he thinks is best.

And a lot of people in the Army community said that it would be very difficult to plan around the uncertainties of meeting somewhere, but I don't want to hear one "I told you so". I think 13 days together in paradise might just be better than 14 days together in stupid Kansas.

So there.

The Red Squiggly Line

I love outlook email. And so many other computer programs. I'm typing away to a coworker about riding to a ceremony together and I ask if she minds if we stop at the Shoppette (that's the convenience store for regular people) for some throat lozengers. Hhmmm, red squiggly line. Turns out the correct term is lozenges. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I knew that. But at 0831 when my throat hurts from the smoke in the air created by the spring burning of the Kansas rangeland, I just want some soothing honey lemony drops, whatever the name!

And Speaking of Goals...

My bff's son just made Eagle Scout!! I remember when he was born. And now he's almost a grown man and has accomplished something incredible! So so proud of him! :)

Loftier Goals

oh.my.gosh. We're almost there. In just a few days we will be 1/2 way through this deployment. "Can you believe it's going by so fast?" --I'm not singling anyone out. I get this several times a day. "Going by so fast for WHO?" I want to say. But I don't. I know what it is like. I work for a unit that just came home. I was there when they left and there when they came home and it sure seemed like that year went by quickly. But my husband wasn't one of the almost 3,000 Soldiers who was away. So I understand that it seems to be flying for some.

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked. That's not the point I'm about to make. The point is this:

When this began 6 months ago I thought I had some goals. Looking back I didn't exactly list goals, it was more a list of coping skills. I mean, I don't think "wine" qualifies as a goal. (although some would argue!) I said yesterday that my goal for the second half of this deployment would be to learn to grill. I'd like to get this book that a friend of mine has with grill recipes for everything. It's by Weber, so you know it's good. First, though...I have to master hooking up the propane tank to the grill without having it explode and disfigure me for life (a very real fear I have). Then I have to light it, also without the disfigurement. Only after those two steps can I master the art of grilling. I'm thinking this is a really good goal.

But tonight my bff told me to write a book. Oh, she's been telling me that since I married Stephen and started "speaking some foreign language!" With all the acronyms, ranks, slang terms and idiosyncrasies of the military, she said from the beginning I should be writing a book. But tonight she pulled out the big guns. She told me about a friend of hers who has been reading my blog and thinks I really should write a book. It's not as though I thought bff was just saying that to make me feel good, but maybe she was just saying that. You know, to make me feel good. Or maybe I just didn't listen because I felt like only other people do stuff like write books. This friend of hers is a journalist. She does this for a living, so she knows what she's talking about. I've met her on several occasions and really like her a lot.* But me? Write a book?

I never really thought about a whole book, but if anyone asked me at any point in my life what I thought I was good at, the answer would be writing. Oh, sure, I totally wanted to be Olivia Newton John when I was growing up. Secretly I kind of still do. But a singer I NEVER was. I've always loved the words. I love the power they can hold if they are strung together just right. I love that they can bring up so many emotions. Sadness, admiration, love, boredom, anger, pride. And I really love that as much as I detest misuse of words and misspellings/poor grammar, if you are doing it purposefully, it's called artistic or literary license and it's not only allowed, but it's cool. I love that if you don't know how to spell a word, you can just find another one and make it work. :)

So maybe I'm going to give it a little thought. Maybe I'm going to think about a little loftier goal. No promises, but maybe. And maybe I'll take a couple weeks off to hang out with my husband in Hawaii and think about it! Three cheers for R&R!

hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray!

*I know you read that D, and I didn't just put it in there for you to read! :)

A Little Bit Unsettling

So, someone mentioned to me today that they had been "surfing the internet" and came across some photos of me. WHAT? Yeah, the 365 project. OK. Remember a few months ago when I was going to take a picture every day for a year, the whole time that Stephen's deployed? Well...I quit 95 photos in. But I had my full name on my project.

Anyway, it kind of creeped me out, so I thought I'd google my name and see what came up. This is where I became even more unsettled. On the first page there were links to my bffs' blogs, one because my name was on it and one because I commented and my google id says my whole name. Then there was my FRSA facebook page, I don't care about that, it's completely public and I don't post private info on there. Then an article in which I was quoted (and misidentified) regarding an event for spouses of deployed Soldiers. A couple of reunion.com and identity search type sites were also there. But here's what's really weird...I saw a link with my name among many others so I clicked it. It went to a newsletter for our electric company. Its a coop, but it isn't as though we CHOSE this company to "coop" with. It's the one our apt complex uses. Right there on the "newest member" list was my name. I just think that's weird.

I'm not freaking out, not withdrawing from society, shutting down facebook, trying to get off the grid. But I do wonder how long that would take, to get off the grid. Or if it's even possible at this point. I try to live in such a way that I wouldn't be THAT mortified if my whole life were on the internet. Most days I think I do okay. I don't really think I'm interesting enough to cause much of a stir.

Of course, it's encouraging to know that I'm apparently also a runner who lives in Ohio! ;)

The Biggest Mistake

Watching Army Wives tonight. Not a good idea.

The Damn Calendar

I just keep looking at the calendar. 22 days until I get to see Stephen.  If he gets to go on the date planned. Oh my gosh. 22 days. What happened to all that weight I was going to lose? Ugh. I don't care, though. I'm not harboring any delusions that I will be a swimsuit model. I am drinking only water and an occasional cup of coffee and eating a few calories as I can get away with (still functioning, being healthy-ish!) and hoping my clothes will be just a little looser.

Looked at it again. As though looking at it will make days go by faster. I do think the weekends will go quickly for the next couple.  I'm headed for a wedding in Texas and a retreat to Kansas City, so with any luck those two will go quickly. It's the weekdays that aren't passing quickly enough. Now that the unit I work for has returned there is a lull like no other. The post redeployment lull is horrid.  Soldiers are back so there is no more homecoming to plan, but they've gone on leave so there is no hustle and bustle about the building, either.

Yes, I have a couple of things to do. The newsletter and Volunteer of the Quarter nominations aren't writing themselves. But ack! I don't want to do it! And if I do that today, what'll I do tomorrow? So I'm emailing myself a blog entry because I can't sign on to the blog from here and post it now. I want to just go home. Or better yet to Hawaii!

Thursday and Friday look to be even worse! Training Holidays. So those Soldiers who are here now won't even be here! I feel a couple sick days coming on...

Oh, and the downer of the day...I have to change my password for my Army Knowledge Online account every 150 days. I did it today. I have to do it again before Stephen comes home. That's too long. 

Didja ever...

close your eyes really really tight and wish really really hard for something?

me too.

did it work for you?

me neither.

April 13

Tonight

by Sugarland

If words could make it real
I'd tell you how I feel
Instead I'm waiting here on my knees love
I know how it feels to breathe
With you beside me
I think about it always...

Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

A lifetime for a day
Would be an even trade
No price I wouldn't pay
For your heart love
I know how it feels to breath
With you beside me
I think about it always...

Tonight, tonight, tonight

I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight,
Tonight, tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight.

Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for the night
Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm waiting for,
Waiting for

****

Waiting 4 weeks.

The video is just the photo with the words, but if you want to hear the song, there it is.

One more...

Because this could have been SO CUTE! If it wasn't just a little bit over the top! (in my opinion, of course)

I think the shirt has ACU material cut out and then outlined my daddy is home or something, with a supercute coordinating skirt! and then there's that GIANT bow/ribbon explosion on the poor child's head!

Some Days

I looked at the countdown today. I haven't been because it's been a little bit disheartening. But today I saw this:

201 days, 10 hrs, 35 mins, & 22 secs!

Some days my thoughts are: huh...that's not so bad! Almost in the 100s! That's over 1/3 there!

But some days my thoughts are: TWO HUNDRED DAYS!?! ACK! That's not really what I say. But it's nicer than "sh*t," which is what I say.

I want to cry, but what's that going to help? Some days I do anyway. Even though it doesn't help.

What helps? Wine. But it's 1pm. A Rascall Flatts special DVRd from the TV. That helped until the played some lovey song. But then my friend sent me a link to a website called "Why Did You Buy Me That?" and now I'm laughing my head off and I'm completely distracted! :)

thanks CGB!

http://whydidyoubuymethat.com

Fake Baby

I know you have been waiting all week for this post. I hope it does not disappoint. Here is a little background information so that you will be just as flabbergasted as I am! That's right, I used the word flabbergasted! :)

1. If you've been following along, you know that we have had quite a few ceremonies for Soldiers returning from Iraq. I may have mentioned (read: devoted a whole partial post to it) the sometimes super overcrowdedness of the joint.

2. If you are unfamiliar with the military here's a little lesson: A Battalion Command Sergeant Major is the highest enlisted rank, (with the exception of Sergeant Major of the Army and there is exactly ONE of those). While spouses do not, or should not "wear" their husband's rank, it is kind of important for them to not act like asses and set a bad example for younger/less experienced spouses. Like it or not, sometimes a younger/less experienced spouse will look to a more senior one for guidance about what type of behavior is acceptable at ceremonies.

3. Due to the overcrowdedness, Soldiers ushering people into the ceremonies have asked that people who do not have strollers and are not handicapped or elderly please take a seat on the bleachers on the 2nd or 3rd row or higher.

SO--here it is. One of the Battalion Sergeant Major's spouses proceeded to march herself right into the ceremony in which her husband returned with a stroller containing...a FAKE BABY! It was a ball with a blanket over it. That's right. Instead of just saying, "you know, I got here really early and I'd really like to go ahead and sit on the front row (even though my husband will be right out front of the group where the BN CSMs stand, and I won't have to search for him like many spouses will) so I'm going to do so," she decided to allow her children (10ish and 8ish) to SEE her straight up lying to flout the rules and get her way.

It is not as though anyone could have or would have physically removed her. She went to EVERY ceremony, so she knows that people sat on the front row without strollers. She just wanted to try to make a point. I've never seen such selfishness. Can you BELIEVE that!??!?

Incidentally, she is the same one who doesn't like that the chaplain ends his prayer with "In the name of the one who has and always will sustain us" --So she shouts "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Which would be totally fine if she was truly praising God. But she isn't. She is trying to make a point to the chaplain who she tried to tell how to pray.

REALLY?!?!?! Ugh.